ex now trying for shared care

hi all im new to this but i need some advice. my and ex husband split last may. in dec we had a contact order set, he had her every fortnight for t weekend. i have residence. everything was fine he was having her pretty much every weekend and sometimes during t week too. he booked a holiday to paris for her in may too. then in feb i let him have her over night during t week and when i went to go collect her he refused to give her back saying shes unhappy at mine and because it was coming up to his weekend he would keep her and at the end of the weekend tell me if he thinks shes better of with him. he lives with his parents and she stays in his room. i thought hes having a laugh at first and demanded her back he refused and refused so i called the police. i got her back and was told not to allow him to have her or take her on holiday till this is sorted and to ring social services and explain what today was about. so i did and they also told me not to let him have her or take her on holiday till it was sorted. i arranged mediation for us but he turned it down and has gone back to his solicitor and we now have a court hearing 10 april but hes now going for shared residence. which means he can take her away for upto a month without my consent. i feel sick that hes done this. its all messed up because he wouldnt give her back in the first place. has anyone been through this, will he get joint care?

Hi LW,
Have you ever considered that it might be good for your daughter to have shared residence with both of her parents, and that what your ex husband is doing might be in her best interests? You don''t give any details of your child''s age or circumstances, but she seems to enjoy time with her father, so perhaps a SRO would be good for her?
It is quite hard for a court to deny your ex husband shared residency on the basis of equality (there is case law to support, details of which you may find in these pages) as long as he is of good character, has the means and inclination to care for the child.
Generally kids are better off with two parents rather than one, even if they don''t live together. It sounds like your ex husband just wants it contribute to his daughter''s life, which is excellent. Perhaps you should encourage rather than resist him.
A

I don''t entirely agree it''s hard for courts to deny shared residence, because Shared Residence Orders are a minority of the total number of the orders for contact or residence (either in favour of one parent or shared) made.

As far as the law is concerned equality is treating people in the same circumstances in the same way. For example, when the established arrangement is a parent works full time in inflexible full time jobs and the other has taken a career gap or works in lower paid flexible part time jobs to fit around childcare the circumstances are different. In any case the paramount concern is the welfare of children rather than the equality between parents.

Parental Responsibility means both parents have the same responsibilities and rights, residence determines where a child "lives." Shared Residence Order can be in different proportions from sharing equal time 50:50 and practically there isn''t much difference between shared residence and sole residence/contact. Shared residence is indicated when in reality children spend enough time with separated parents to feel they have two homes. Conditions regulating holiday arrangements can be attached to any residence/contact order.

In any event the courts take a dim view of a parent not returning children after contact when there is already a an order in force. If arrangements for extra contact and holidays can''t be agreed the correct thing to do would be to apply to court for permission or to vary the order rather than act unilaterally.

Having said that normally it isn''t unreasonable for a parent to take to take children away abroad on a family holiday for a week or two once or twice a year. Unless there is a flight risk or the child is very young it is difficult to convince a court that enjoying a holiday abroad with a separated parent isn''t in a child''s interest.

shes 3. iv never had a problem with him seeing her. t court order was every fortnight but he had her every weekend and sometimes during t week. he asked to take her on holiday i said thats absolutely fine but then when he found out i was back with my boyfriend he refused to give our daughter back. i had to call the police and they told me not to allow him to have her till it was sorted. im just worried now if he does get SRO that he can take her and refuse to give her back and if he does that then i cant do anything about it

I wouldn''t worry unduly, it will be an uphill struggle for your ex to change the status quo As I said the courts can attach conditions to regulate arrangements for holidays to any order. Also regardless of the type of order in an emergency when a child isn''t returned the family court can hear a case immediately without notice or with abridged notice and if necessary a child can be returned within a very short time.

iv spoken to the police and am getting a report of the day he refused to give her back and they was called.. i just feel sick to think if he gets it can can keep her and not return her. we had a great relationship he saw her literally half the time until he messed up now he wants shared care. argh!!

I think your ex made a mistake which he is unlikely to make again if the police were involved. Most separated parents would admit to making mistakes if they were honest and it''s really a question of face saving and finding a way to move forward.

With regard to holidays you can draw up proposals which could be attached to an order before the hearing. For example, agreeing one or two week holidays a couple of times a year in principle on the condition that each parent informs the other in advance of the travel arrangements, where they will be staying and when the passport is to be handed over.