ex now trying for shared care

this is exactly what i have suggested but he isnt interested. he wants SCO. i just feel like im going round and round when all i want to do is get on with my life

Someone mentioned it is hard to change the status quo and while they are right you may need to consider the stats quo has actually changed. The court order may say every other weekend but by your own admission your child has been with her dad every weekend and during mid week. Is there any any way he can have a fixed midweek night every week, this may reduce the possibility that he feels so frustrated at the minimal contact that he makes threats not to return.

LH,
Fiona is correct in that statistically SROs are rare, this is because most dads give up (shame on them) in the face of bias against them in the family law system. This does not mean that your ex husband will not be able to secure a shared order on the grounds of being treated equally, you can find the case law in these pages (d vs d), it is straightforward and easy to follow.
Buildingblock makes an excellent point, the status quo is established by your own admission that your daughter spends most weekends with her father and some midweek nights. I''m not sure that an aggressive attitude (involving the police, getting police reports and withholding contact) would be seen as being in your daughter''s best interests by a magistrate. In your ex husband''s favour you mentioned that he lives with his parents, and so I''m guessing could call upon your daughter''s paternal grandparents to assist with her care. You would have to argue that you and your boyfriend can offer your daughter a more stable arrangement, which may or may not be a compelling argument.
I think buildingblock has a really good idea in that perhaps a good compromise would be to revise the contact order to regularise the frequent weekend and midweek contact your ex husband and daughter have enjoyed. If you did that perhaps your ex husband would not feel the need to pursue a shared residence order, and that might be a better solution than a trial. Presumably you and your boyfriend have been happy with the frequent contact in the past?
I can''t help thinking that it will be best for your young daughter if she grows up with both of her natural parents in her life. You both obviously love her, which is marvellous, and seeing you both regularly and frequently will be a very good thing for her.
Best wishes,
A

My ex didn''t want 50/50 for a number of reasons but one being that none of the divorced parents - all mums btw - did not have shared access. So its a cultural thing

I now rent and we rotate the on a weekly basis, the children are happy and doing well at school. My bug bear that the percieved wisdom is that its unworkable and does the children no good. I''ve been told that on this web site and by teachers. I know one other dad who does the same and also makes it work. I know plenty of fathers who see their chilren every other weekend and the net result is unhappy kids and unhappy dads.

You and your ex have to sit down because something isn''t working or something has made him change his behavior.

Good point Patrick. My ex wife was much the same and it was only the treat of a trial that forced her to accept a SRO. Mostly this is for financial reasons (the strong causal connection that exists between residence of children and being able to raid the estate), and partly cultural. I notice that even 9 months into a SRO (which is working fine for our 8 year old boy) she still will not admit to her employer and friends that she does not have residence. Ho hum.
Back to the issue in question: in this case the dad obviously wants to establish a strong link with his daughter (good) and the mother feels threatened (why is not clear, there seems to be no risk of abuse, there is de facto sharing going on which she and her boyfriend seem happy with). The answer would seem to be to change the contact order to give the dad the contact he and his daughter have enjoyed, and the mother has been comfortable with, so who loses?
A

I think by discussing the benefits of shared residence, you are all losing sight of the OP''s fears - her ex has refused to return the child once and she fears he will do it again and that the shared residence will give him the right to do so.

Legally it''s debatable whether shared residence gives parents the right to take children away on holiday and conditions can be attached to the order to regulate aspects of Parental Responsibility, including arrangements for holiday.

As I said earlier there isn''t practically a great deal of difference between orders for shared residence and residence with a contact order and I wouldn''t worry too much about the label particularly as Residence Orders (sole or shared) are due to be replaced to do away with the sense of parents winning or loosing.

It would help if you could clarify whether you mean there is a contact order and the child lives with you or whether you have Residence Order in your favour. Also how long has the Contact Order been in place, how long was the arrangement for contact every other weekend and during the week and how long has it been since contact broke down?