Emotional issues with visits to Dad

I have been divorced for 5 years from my sons father. We had a shared residence order which often varied the number of nights between ourselves (mainly him asking for less due to his commitments with new partner/baby). In 2011 I was granted LTR with our son abroad from summer 2012 with me then having full residency of him, during the time from being granted permission to the time we were moving the order stated the residency was to be 9 nights with me, 5 nights with Dad. My son struggled with this as he had always only ever done 1-2 nights for the previous couple of years. Anyway, due to personal circumstances I did not move abroad. I carried on with the previous order until my ex asked for less nights as his new partner was expecting and they were finding it too tiring having our son for 5 nights. I agreed to this as our son had constantly expressed he didnt enjoy his time there, felt he was ignored etc.
When the baby was born my ex''s new partner wanted to move back nearer to her family as she didnt have any support or friends in the town my ex and myself lived in. So visits had to be cut down to 2 nights every other weekend.
This has continued but our son struggles with visits and constantly asks how old he has to be before he can choose how often he goes. Despite my opinions on the matter I have always sent my son, told him to keep his chin up, count down the sleeps until he is back etc etc. My ex hasnt paid any maintenance apart from £2 and £1 in 2011. We live 17 miles apart and for the last year I have driven our son to his dads alternate weekends (he drops him back). I think this in itself shows im promoting contact despite him refusing to help financially - long story, works cash in hand, or signs on, gets bitter when asked to help out.
Anyway our son has been struggling and has some sensory issues and anxiety which he is awaiting help for. His school have just started to give him one to one sessions where he can talk about anything that is worrying him (he hasnt been sleeping due to his worries). The headteacher called me yesterday to say she needed to see me. I met with her and she felt that he has serious emotional problems and would be in his best interest to stop sending him to his fathers. They have been doing sessions where he draws and plays games and several things regarding his Dad have come out - to the point where the head told me she would have no hesitation in backing me in stopping him seeing his Dad if it went to court.
This week our son sent me a text saying he feels like killing himself. He is now awaiting an appointment with mental health, school are bringing in psychologist and providing all the help they feel he needs.
I spoke to social services this week as my ex made false allegations about me claiming he was my new husband(they have it down as a malicious call and said I have good grounds to stop contact but legally they cant say what would happen).
Our son is due to go to his Dad next weekend but I have been advised by headteacher and SS to write and state that our son will not be visiting him until further notice and explain why.
Does anyone else have any experience of similar, where you''ve been advised to stop sending a child. My last court order is regarding my LTR so isn''t valid as far as I can see.
The reason for his malicious call - because I asked for maintenance this week and CSA chased him.
Thanks in advance.
Daisy

I''m sure some UK folks will advise re: legal position but I just wanted to make a general comment. Sounds like you have been doing everything you can to foster a relationship between your son and his dad, despite no financial help from him. But when your son is clearly telling you and teachers how distressed he is, and they are worried enough to be contacting you, it''s time to say enough''s enough and not send him to his dad''s until you work out what''s troubling him. His safety should trump everything else for the moment. Hope you get some help for him soon, it must be very distressing.

Hello Daisy. What a very distressing situation for you and your son. He''s clearly struggling with issues and that must be hard for you to bear.

Can I just ask a few questions?
How old is your son? Was it the educational psychologist who did the sessions with your son? Depending on his age, you need to know what the sessions have uncovered. Did they suggest a review meeting with yourself, the Special Educational Needs coordinator, a rep from SS and the Head?

Hope you have family to support you both.

Thanks, yes its distressing and heartbreaking to know how upset he is. He is only 10.
We have lots of support from family, friends, and his school.
Daisy.

I have a meeting with SENCO on 10th March, not yet got a date for the Ed.Psychologist but the head said on Friday she will try and get him seen asap.

Good. That''s all very positive. If he was very much older I''d say he had the right to privacy over what he''s told them, but at 10 you need to know. You should be informed every step of the way. Usually the Ed Psych would attend the review meeting, but it may be different in your Local Authority.

The SENCO should now be monitoring your son and working with the Ed Psych and any other outside agencies, like possibly CAMHS and SS, to achieve the best possible outcome for your son. Naturally that will be the best outcome for you too and help relieve some of the stress you''re currently under.

I guess attending the meeting is going to be distressing; could a family member or good friend attend with you?

So sorry you''re having to go through this, but it seems the right mechanisms are being put in place to deal with the issues. xx