Equal care - a judge''s view

Hi All,

Peace and love to all those Dads looking to carry on being the equal parent they''ve been since birth.

I thought I''d drop my experience in case it''s useful in setting realistic expectations. I was (am!) the typical "new" Dad - cutting the cord, doing everything from day 1 - if anything I was caring for our daughter more (not that I see it as a competition) even during my ex''s maternity leave - I would get home from work early, take over, do all the evening, night and morning stuff, whilst my ex slept and veged out, but also I kept my job going during the day.

Anyway, we split up, nightmare divorce, and then in Child Arrangements, with two offers on the table - mine - (more or less) equal care, with lots of thought given to how it could work, minimising direct handovers etc, taking into account her new part time work, and hers - basically just offering me the minimum she thought she could get away with based on what the judge had indicated he would allow thus far, all sorts of logistical issues and loads more direct handovers....

The judge just gave me (LiP) a long hard stare, and said "In my experience, I don''t think equal care works". Just like that. He then just went with her (represented by QC) proposal. In case you''re thinking it was a case of being outgunned, the same judge in the previous hearing told us to stop wasting money and told us both to turn up unrepresented and he would arbitrate. She turned up with a QC, and he wasn''t in the slightest bit bothered. So much for that advice, but it wasn''t her representation wot won it, it was just the judge''s view that he didn''t like equal care. End of battle... from that point onwards, it was damage limitation for me.

Maybe you''ll be lucky and get a more enlightened judge than me, but be prepared to come up against one person''s views about how they think families should be structured, and if they don''t match your own, be prepared for logic, history and reason to be chucked out of the window. Again, good luck all x

Holy cow. I feel a bit sick. That is outrageous.

So sorry to hear that mate. He should hang his head in shame. How the hell does it come to this. I''ll echo the above comment. Makes me feel sick. Your ex should hang her head too how can anyone not want the other parent to play as much of a role as possible.

Im sorry to hear that mate. Its an Absolute rubbish system, and not fair in the slightest. Anyone who says that there isnt a biais in family courts clearly hasnt been in front of a judge recently