Divorce in progress, child access question

Hello, My partner is being divorced by wife, who is hanging it out to try and s***w as much as possible tout of him - she''s had the house, furniture, car, even tools so far. He left with the clothes on his back, I KID YOU NOT. The 2 youngest children 12 & 15 are with the wife. My partner tries to see them on a weekly basis, and never for more than 3 hours max, (he''s a shift worker) so the actual day will vary. From the time he left the marital home (approx. 18 months ago) the wife will NOT allow him to bring them to our house (and I suspect they ARE being manipulated somewhat with regards to what they want and don''t want) even though I''ve offered to disappear for a few hours. She constantly makes excuses as to why she can''t bring or collect them to the meeting point, usually a local cafe, so he''s constantly doing the collecting and returning. We are not flush with money, and she gets a very reasonable CS payment (not through CSA) each month. My question is this:
Is she being unreasonable in expecting him to do all the running about, or should he just put up with it? Both children are rude and ungrateful and don''t contact him unless they want something but again, - I think it''s *external influence* at work. I know I should not become involved, but it''s really upsetting me to see him treated in this way. Advice anyone?

As the children are 12 and 15, their opinions would be key if you attempted to take this to court and as they are refusing to come to your home I doubt they would be made too.

MrsMathsisfun wrote:

As the children are 12 and 15, their opinions would be key if you attempted to take this to court and as they are refusing to come to your home I doubt they would be made too.

Many thanks for your reply. The more important thing though, is whether the STBX can be advised she should either bring, or take back the children from the meeting point each visit, rather than expect partner to do it all. What is more, she has possibly put into their brains (Children''s) that they should have no contact with partners family, even his elderly mother. I despair ...

My husband does all the taking and collecting.

Is the distance massive?

The only way she would be forced to do some of the travelling is via the court and then if she refused it would be unlikely that a court would be able to do anything to do the travelling.

Maybe once all the divorce is completed, it will settle down and the whole situation wont be so hostile.

MrsMathsisfun wrote:

My husband does all the taking and collecting.

Is the distance massive?

The only way she would be forced to do some of the travelling is via the court and then if she refused it would be unlikely that a court would be able to do anything to do the travelling.

Maybe once all the divorce is completed, it will settle down and the whole situation wont be so hostile.

Evening MrsMathsisfun, No - the distance isn''t that far, prob 25 miles round trip, into the city and back ... but, we are almost living hand-to-mouth and believe me, EVERY penny counts. The vehicle isn''t the latest model by far, and is absolutely a NECESSITY for him to get to work. No public transport this rurally! I so much hope *things will settle down* after the divorce..

Usually once the finances have been sorted and everyone know where they stand it begins to get easier.

My husband ex was a nightmare for about 3 years (even though she was the once who had the affair!!), however once the divorce and finances were finally sorted she stopped over reacting to everything and its much easier now.

The difficulty you will have is the fact the children are teenagers who tend to make very moralistic decisions, everything black and white to them!! Tell your partner to just grim and bear it and eventually they will come around.

MrsMathsisfun wrote:

Usually once the finances have been sorted and everyone know where they stand it begins to get easier.

My husband ex was a nightmare for about 3 years (even though she was the once who had the affair!!), however once the divorce and finances were finally sorted she stopped over reacting to everything and its much easier now.

The difficulty you will have is the fact the children are teenagers who tend to make very moralistic decisions, everything black and white to them!! Tell your partner to just grim and bear it and eventually they will come around.

You know what? My heart bleeds for him. He hasn''t seen them for the past 2 weeks, and had no answer from them this week so far. Was chatting (on-line)with one of them last week and asked how their sibling was - answer? *What''s it got to do with you?* and that was from the 12 year old! He''s scared stiff he''s gonna loose them completely, and I don''t know how he would handle that scenario. One of the older siblings (and possible their mother) it would not surprise me if they were both priming them towards this so very bad manners they''re showing. I know what I''d do if they was mine, but MUST keep quiet of course, they''re NOT mine. I feel bloody useless to be honest..