Inappropriate sleeping arrangements for teens

Sorry I didn''t make myself very clear the issue is with the gf who stays over.
As maths suggested perhaps the son could sleep in the lounge or maybe the 16 year old lad not have his gf over on those 2 nights.

Thanks everyone. I really need to be sure I am not being unreasonable but your responses echo my instincts, so obviously not.

Yes it would be most simple for the girlfriend not to stay over whilst my son is there. He is only usually there 2 nights in 14 and I have no idea if this situation has occurred before. However my ex will lie to me in the future about the sleeping arrangements and will tell our son not to let on. I have to take a hard stance as unfortunately I can''t trust him to respect my wishes.

When I voiced my concern my son (13) said "I know what you are thinking Mum, but if you knew those 2 you would know it is fine and nothing is going on". I think this is naive and sounds like a line that has had said to him. Anyway, he didn''t seem to think it an issue and seemed suprised that I consider it an problem.

He just wants to be able to see his Dad . Following on from the upset last year regarding the abuse towards our eldest son, the youngest is sure not to say anything negative about Dad. He looked worried that he had " dropped him in it."

Difficult to know what to do next.

Think your son saying he "just wants to see dad" needs to out weigh your concerns.

Stopping contact could backfire as it could impact on your relationship with your son.

MrsMathsisfun wrote:

Think your son saying he "just wants to see dad" needs to out weigh your concerns.

Stopping contact could backfire as it could impact on your relationship with your son.

I agree - he may have difficulty trusting you in future.

If your son wasn''t bothered by the one-off sleeping arrangements, then if I were you, I would let sleeping dogs lie (so to speak).

Yes but I don''t know if this is a one off or if she is there every time my son stays. Now I have alerted him to my concern, my lad is unlikely to say anything again.

With regards to trust, I have had to trust him with his relationship with his Dad. He is aware of (and witnessed) the abusive behaviour his brother has experienced, but wants to give Dad a chance. I have had to allow this to happen out of respect for my son and hope he doesn''t experience the same. He assures me that he will not keep quiet if it does and there is no evidence to say it has. Social services were alerted due to ex''s partner having her own kids living with ex. However, a 13 year old doesn''t always know what is appropriate behaviour and sometimes adults need to make decisions on their behalf.

I''m thinking of sending an email to ex expressing my feelings about the sleeping arrangement situation and ask him to find an alternative solution for the time my son stays. I can explain to son what I have asked for and why. Obviously I can''t control what happens there but I can make it clear to son he shouldn''t be asked to lie.

If it continues.. Not sure where that leaves me. Either put up or deny access overnight. Not great either way.

Gosh, now I know I''m old and old fashioned with it. Doesn''t anyone think about the welfare of the 16 year old girl? Over the age of consent but still a child who should not be encouraged by any adult to share a bed with her boyfriend.

Well yes, I wouldn''t allow it. But as they are both 16 there is no legal issue.

I can only comment or take action regarding my son in these circumstances. I have no idea how to approach my ex about it with the right degree of concern.