Cafcass and shared care

I had my CAFCASS telephone interview today. Since my 4 year old daughters birth nightime care has been split 55/45 in favour of her mom. Mom works shifts and weekends and i work Monday to friday 8x4. I am in a really good position to care for my daughter all week after school and at weekends. I plan to propose that we share care however cafcass told me that mom says our daughter needs ''to know she lives with mom and has contact with dad''. Cafcass also said shared care is not possible and care can never actually be shared.

This has thrown me somewhat...can anyone advise me?

I can not advise only tell you my own situation.

I have shared care of my 3 children 6,10,12 and have done for nearly 4 years. The children are with me every Tue and Thur night and alternate Fri,Sat, Sun so 50/50. On the other days I also have the children from 8am and take to school then collect again and they stay with me until their mum finishes work at 4pm. ( I work from home). The children have stuff at both houses and see them both as being home. We live quite close (same road) so the children can run back and forth if they forget things. It works really really well for the children.

Thanks - its really useful to hear what you do. I just want our daughter to be happy too. Did you have to go to court for that?

Yes 3 times.

I work from home so have been an integral part of their life from birth. When I split from their mum I was restricted to times that suited her mainly running the kids around to and from clubs and activities. I went from being their doting loving father, who probably spent more time with them than their mother, to an untrustwortly taxi driver that was a danger to children.

The 1st time in court we were given shared residence with the children spending every Tue and Thur night and alternate weekends 9am Sat - 6pm Sun with me. I was self reping and I think I did well against her barrister who was arguing for short midweek contact and all day Saturday 10-4 (mainly taking the children to ballet and gymnastics with a short break for lunch.

Then my youngest started school and my ex started a new job so I begun doing all the school runs and I wanted that included in the order. I was self reping again but instead of the judge there was magistrates. They listen to our opening statements then sent us away while they considered it. I was expecting to have a chance to say more so didn''t really get my point across. I wanted a Friday night but her barrister said as I have the luxury of having the children every day before an after school I did not need another night. Never mind the children were arriving 2 min before I needed to leave on the school run instead of at 8am which made a stressful school run even worse and then had after school clubs so were not always with me anyway.

In the end they gave me a Sunday night which although was great then caused added problems on their weekends with me. The children would go back to their mum on the Friday night and arrive late on the Saturday with no uniform. This would mean I had to wait for a text on Sunday from their mum to say uniforms were ready but they were often still damp and on some occasions I would not get these until late Sunday night with a note saying kids have homework to do in their book bags. So I started to get them changed out of school uniform as soon as they got back from school on a Friday before they went home and refused to let them take book bags home. Their mum would retaliate by sending them even later on a Sat morning I would text to ask where they were and she would reply she had only just woke them up and would send them down when showered.

She also refused to organise school holiday in advance and would not agree to me making any plans. She said I was only allowed them for more than 3 days at a time if I was physically going away, this did not apply to her and she was ignoring the court order of holidays being 50/50. One half term I asked for Tue and Thur and she just ignored all messages. I stayed in all week and eventually on Thur morning they came down and said "mum said we could visit you now".

I couldn''t put up with much more so went back to court, this time making sure I said everything I needed to in my opening statement in case it was my only opportunity to speak. The court agreed there was no reason why they children shouldn''t spend equal amount of quality time with both parents and I was granted every Tue and Thur and alternate Fri, Sat, Sun nights meaning I now had a long weekend with the kids and did not have to wait for their mum to decide what time they were coming to me. The court also agreed on the holidays being arranged in advance. I now have 2nd week of Easter and weeks 1,3,5 of the summer holidays. Christmas is to be alternated as she has had the last 3 and not allowing them to stay with me christmas eve. The rest of xmas and all half terms to be arranged 4 weeks in advance. However despite me asking in plenty of time she refused to communicate days for the last half term and ignored all text messages. I did get to see them but it meant I could arrange anything or make plans.

Its been an up hill struggle but my main goal is stability for the children. If I knew what I knew now I think I would have got the full 50/50 at the first hearing 3 years ago.

Thanks for such a long reply...my internets been down so sorry for the late reply.

It sounds like it really has been hard work for you.

I''ve had my FHDRA today. The legal advisor hearing the case has arranged a 3 hour final hearing for the 15th December.

They ignore the fact that my daughters mom hadnt been to mediation.

The solicitor said that my daughter needed a base with her mom and to have contact with me. I explained that for 3 years she had lived 50/50 with both of us until mom reduced care to 75/25 recently.

I spoke to the solicitor afterwards and said that the plan they propose for care only needed minor tweaks. The solicitor said that they wouldnt agree to the tweaks as that would amount to equal care.


I submitted a position statement today and the respondent will do one for 8th december.


I coped ok in the FHDRA representing myself but Im wondering if I need legal representation for the final hearing? A friend has advised getting a barrister?

Thanks

I managed to hold my own over 3 hearings and 6 court appearances against her solicitors and barristers. I''ve have learnt to not engage with her legal people at the court, they have always tried to trick me and get an advantage by getting a better idea over what I shall say in court. By the last hearing I had cracked it and listened polity to her barrister then said I had nothing to say to her.

I made an opening statement that clearly spelt out what I felt was best for my children and how I could meet their needs. Care should be shared between parents where possible unless there is good reason for it not to be. No idea why your cafcas person said otherwise, I would be making a complaint against them.

I feel strongly that once children start ''visiting'' a parent rather than living with them they begin to see one (the resident) parent being as more important one and the one that makes all decisions. It ruins the relationship with the other parent. Where as shared care the child views the parents as equals as they should.

We sound completely on the same wavelength. The solicitor was really trying to tell me how things were going to go today and I felt as if she was trying to trick me too. Youve given me the confidence to do it myself...thanks