Hi
We have been apart for nearly 3 years, divorced, 2. Contact is every fortnight Fri-Sunday.(shared school hols etc) We live 70+ miles apart.
My ex is controlling, arrogant and narcissistic, via
mediation and lots and lots of legal letters, we came to the above contact.
I travel 30+ miles to his 40miles, to meet to drop our Daughter (9yrs old) on a Friday after school, and return this journey on a Sunday at 5pm to collect her. it takes nearly an hour for me, one way to do this trip and hence on Sunday we dont get home until 6, then theres the usual, teatime, hairwash, homework, wind down etc before her bedtime at 8. (as shes usually not had hair washed with him and will have had late nights).
On this 5pm meet and hi percentage of other ''meets'', he is generally late or within a couple of hours before the meet he will change the time, and also be late. the reasons for the lateness, generally relates to selfish tardiness. He''s at a rugby club watching the end of a game, has decided to go out for a meal, and they are not finished etc, calls for fuel on the way and a loo stop (this all comes as innocent info from my daughter - he never bothers to furnish me with genuine apologies or reasons why). I have put up with this for 3 years, constant selfish lateness, and no regard to anyone but him. I have asked both politely and firmly over this period that if he requires a later time for a genuine reason - events/family celebrations etc - I am happy to accommodate and adapt, with a justified notice period..... I dont get this back, he continues to be late - and sometimes its 10 mins, some times its 30-an hour. We meet in a motorway services.
My question is - Do I stop taking/meeting him half way...?? I would never stop my daughter seeing her dad.
Tonight was the last straw for me. He text me at 3,30pm, saying it will be 5.30pm, as they were waiting for food.
I politely replied to say - I will be there for 5pm (as I was already out in the car and would be travelling towards the meet point), and that I was (as normal) expecting to feed her when we got home. (had food prepared).
He followed up with another excuse re: food, that it had now just arrived. then that he had cancelled food, and was leaving now. this gave him 45+ mins to travel - which is about right from where he lives to get to meet point within 5-10 mins of meet time.
He wasnt there at 20 mins past. I text him to say I would give him 5 mins and leave, and could he please bring our daughter to our home.
I had just started my engine to leave and he arrived. By this point I am not in the best frame of mind, and generally, we dont verbally converse, unless needed with regard to our daughter.
On the journey back, my daughter asked if I was going to leave her as Daddy had told her I was...!! And that if I wasnt there he would taker her back to his house, she said she asked him if he did that how would she get to school in the morning. He told her she would have to miss it....!!
I am not prepared to put up with his selfish tardiness any more. BUt I am scared of repercussions and him using our daughter as collateral damage as mentioned above.
I did explain to her after what she said that Daddy shouldnt really have said he would take her back there, and that I had asked daddy that if he couldnt make it to the meet point, that Mummy was upset that he couldnt make it on time a lot of the time (she knows this as she is often armed with his actions/reasons for his lateness) and I was a bit fed up of waiting in cold/wet/dark car parks, and I was going to go home , but had asked him to bring her to our home here. . . .
I was so cross, I was in tears on the way home (away from little eyes of course!!). why does he tell her such things, i never concern her with our conversations, unless its on a level she needs to know etc. . .?
Advice please. . . and please dont say this is about my daughter - I should facilitate her seeing her dad - I know . . . trust me I do. . . but I will not be made a mug of. He has walked all over me for years. . . This is about him not our daughter. . she will still see him. . . but he has to start behaving like a responsible adult....
