Contact arrangements for 3 & 5 yr old, advice pls

Hi,

I'm trying to come to an agreement with my STBXH. I'm not sure what's fair on the children, I don't want them to be constantly shuffling between homes mainly because my STBXH suffers from ADHD and life with him has been incredibly chaotic.

We're still living together and we have alternate weekends and he does bath time twice a week, when he can get off work early. I'm proposing that all holidays are shared equally and we continue with the current arrangement but he's insistent on 50/50 shared equally. He wants every weekend and overnights too. My issue with this is the hardest part of the week I.e. school runs, homework will fall to me without any down time with the children.

He currently works 6 -8pm and has done since the kids were born. Although he's now saying he is going to quit his job in the summer to enable the 50/50 set up. I'm a little cynical and feel his main aim is to avoid paying child maintenance, spousal support etc.

Can anyone advise on a happy medium? What would the courts propose in this instance? I'd like to avoid going to court but will do so if needs be. Our youngest is 3 in April and as yet struggles with more than one overnight without me. But equally I want them to be able spend as much time with their dad.

You have valid points. Although family separation means things need to change children need to maintain many routines & spend quality time at weekends with both parents. There is no one arrangement that suits all children & courts consider each case separately.

If communication is difficult & you can't reach an agreement between you it's worth trying mediation in the first instance. A mediator can help you reach an agreement between yourselves which can work for everyone. If you go to court most parents are expected to have attempted approved mediation before the case is heard anyway. Going to court tends to leave parents feeling resistant & that can make parenting together in future more difficult.

Hope that helps

Thanks for your comment.

Communication between us is really non existant and I don't see that situation improving in the short term. His difficulties mean that he struggles with rembering things, what has been agreed, struggles with time keeping, children's routines, is frequently late to collect our daughter from a music lesson. How can I possibly be expected to minimise the impact on our children if he has them 50% of the time?

I would really recommend mediation to try & agree a practical written parenting plan. There is no point in having parenting time at impractical times. IF there is a written plan your ex can refer to it to aid his memory.

Having said that many parents struggle with arrangements for children. You may need to accept your ex parents differently from you & be more laid back about picking up & dropping off times if that helps make the arrangements work for the children.