Fathers right in maintaining access for grandparen

Hi all,

Recently separated. In the middle of discussions about access arrangements for children.

had originally agreed a 2 day then a 3 day week. With my parents helping around school time as they live near the school.

Ex has got a bee in her bonnet over my parents and is now stating that they are no longer allowed access, which totally screws up the 2 and 3 arrangement.

Call me naive but i thought when the children were in my car then it's up to me who has access and vice versa.

Happy to listen to all informed opinions.


Thanks

Welcome to Wikivorce.

You are right - what the children do and with whom during your parenting time is your decision, and shouldn't be met with interference from the other parent. You have Parental Responsibility and therefore can make these sorts of unilateral decisions when the children are in your care.

The importance of children growing up with regular contact with grandparents, and other extended family members shouldn't be under-estimated - it gives children a sense of belonging to a much wider family than just Mum & Dad, can improve the childrens' self esteem and self worth , includes them in long-established family traditions and opens them up to new interests and ideas.

thanks, really appreciate your input. We are still at the stage of trying to sort things out between ourselves before going to mediation / solicitors etc but things are not really going well.

How does parental rights work if my parents wanted to have the children overnight? Am i to assume that for parental rights to be in force i would have to be with the children?

Parents' don't have "rights" - they have legal responsibilities which is a bit different

I would suggest that you focus on setting out a parenting plan which should ideally should contain details of all the arrangements for the children, including special family events, inset days, Bank Holidays, birthdays, Mothers/Fathers Day, Christmas, and so on as well as the usual day to day arrangements. Focus on the arrangements for the children and parents, rather than pressing the issue of your parents having the children overnight - if this is a stumbling block at the moment, it would be wise to swerve it at the moment and focus on the general arrangements for the children. That doesn't mean to say that if you are due to have the children one night, you can't let them stay with Grandma and Granddad.

Not sure why my first response was deleted but really Dadbod I will give you a dose of reality.

Yes it is your place to decide how your children spend their time with you, but pissing off the mother as most Dad's know leads to trouble.

If you are lucky your ex may just let it slide but my experience from elsewhere is that most women when met with refusal to comply with their orders over who sees and looks after the children will see red.

They will start withholding contact from you or worse still they start fabricating allegations against grandparents which can take months/years to clear.

Do not escalate as Ruby is suggesting but look at ways to calm the situation and reach a compromise. The system is so stacked against males in the family court that it really is foolhardy to take on your ex.

Where have I suggested to the OP that he "escalates" matters?

Your post is nothing short of scaremongering in places, and not helpful to the OP.

rubytuesday wrote:

Where have I suggested to the OP that he "escalates" matters?

Your post is nothing short of scaremongering in places, and not helpful to the OP.

Trying to get a formalised plan in place is not an escalation?

If the Op put this post up on a fathers forum he would get a response similar to mine. Really whatever the wiki bots say, taking on a mother over child issues is self defeating and a strategy doomed to failure. There has to be something very wrong with a woman for CAFCASS or courts to side against her.

So if your ex chooses she can remove/withhold contact from you or your parents tomorrow.

Roll with it and explain it to your parents. In time things will change.