Daughter at Dads with Angry Drunk Step Mum...

Hi All

Haven't posted for a while, so forgive my dropping in. I just wanted to see if anyone else had had any similar issues and if there's anything I can to / any advice given is helpful.

Short background - daughter now aged 10 (split when she was 5). I am RP, Ex has fortnightly weekends and shared school hols.

Ex's OH had baby boy in Oct'15. They married in July'16.

Daughter still enjoys going for the most part, although ex and I parent very differently, which can cause behavioural issues occasionally.

So - more recently my Daughter has come back 2-3 times, explaining that Ex's wife (her now step mum(SM)) goes out and gets really drunk. When this happens SM, gets aggressive and verbally violent to Ex and sometimes my daughter, while her own son is there too. New Years Eve my Daughter saw her launch a cheesecake at ex's head, whilst drunk. A previous occasion when their son was a couple months old, she came home drunk and was shouting the house down, swearing at ex, waking both children up. She has a mobile phone and often texts/calls me to tell me shes scared.

This last episode has caused my daughter quite a lot of anxiety. In her words- SM came home around 1am, and was clattering around in the kitchen having bought home fish and chips. She was screaming and shouting at Ex, using naughty and nasty words. It woke (1yr old half brother) up, and I was scared. Ex let her sleep in his bed to help calm her. She said SM was sending ex nasty texts as he kept looking at his phone, when we tried to get back to sleep. Then Ex had to go downstairs to where she'd passed out on the sofa, to turn the blasting out noise of the tv, that she'd put on full blast. During her tirade of abusive slander daughter said she heard SM say - you and *daughter* should just f*** off.

Now I know by 10, kids have heard language such as this unfortunately but she shouldn't have to hear it thrown at her in such aggressive manner, by someone who is supposed to love/care for her.

Ex has supposedly had a word with SM, and has assured me it wont happen again while daughter is there. But, on her return, daughter was very worried then about her Dad, fearful that SM would hurt him. Wanting to text him to make sure etc. She got out of bed a couple of times the first night and has woken a couple of times since. I've checked on her phone and there are a number of texts to/from her and her dad. He is revelling in her concern, when she shouldn't be worrying about him - he is the ADULT ! or is it me ?

I explained to daughter I would have a word with Ex as I was concerned about her in that sort of environment. She then got concerned about seeing her dad - I assured her I wasn't stopping her from seeing him - but I needed to tell him I had concerns about that sort of situation, that it is not acceptable. She understood this I think, but continues to be worried about him !!

I don't agree with his parenting - but as we all know to some degree - he can do what he wants when daughter is in his care. I have learned to 'not sweat the small stuff', and believe me there's been a lot !!

What my concern is now is, how this has, and is affecting my daughter.... any advice...?

thanks

Zod x