I''m going no where...!

Hi All,

A quick re-cap...

My wife has recently started a relationship with another woman from work. I am still in the FMH, and my wife comes and go''s like the wind, so that she can spend time with the other woman. She has more recently been demanding money from me to leave.

I have seen an IFA, but they can''t raise the £80K that she wants to move on with her life. (Not that I would give it to her anyway without a consent agreement in place.)

My main concern is that she is really unstable at the moment, and is doing some crazy things. I had been to London with my 10 year old son yesterday, and got back an hour earlier than planned. When I arrived home the other woman was in my living room.

This brought about a heated exchange as I told her to get out of my HOME.....

My son witnessed this exchange and was really upset by things. He told me he is very confused as to why his Mum is spending time with another woman, and other children are now making fun of him, as his cousins let the secret out to other children at school.

I have a 16 year old daughter, who has buried her head in the sand, regarding these matters, and my 8 year old seems to be managing ok.

Her family are very supportive of my situation and are insisting that I get some legal advice as they can see her behaviour is damaging. They have told me to change the locks, and throw her out, but I have tried to explain that she has rights, irrespective of what she has done.

My mother in law is concerned about her daughter, but realises there is little we can do about that, but on the other hand she thinks I could be doing more to protect the children from the situation.

I would be grateful if someone could give me some advice on how to handle this, and what I could reasonably expect to get in place.

For information, I am the one that sorts the kids out before school, cooks their dinners, gives out medication, and washes clothes etc, etc.

The wife literally goes to work at 07.45 in the morning, comes back for an hour or 2 anywhere between 16.30 and 17.00 and then leaves again until around 01.00 in the morning.

Morning Iamspartacus, can''t give much advise sadly, but, it sounds like your doing a great job with the children...tbh, that''s all that really matters, that you are still coping for their sake.

I know it must be hard with the stbx treating the house like a hotel, with the comings & goings, maybe you can arrange it that you & the children are eating when she comes, stay in a different room from her with the children & show her that the 4 of you are united. I know it''s not always that easy.

Just let her do what she needs to do & try your utmost to ignore it as best as poss, easier said than done i know.

I think you need to reason with her & tell her that her "lady friend" is not to come to the home as it''s distressing for the children as well as confusing.

Certainly don''t give her money, if she wants to go out having a good time, let her find the money or her said friend can pay.

It sounds like you truly are doing a great job with the kids, & really be as supportive to them as you can, i know it''s difficult to explain to the younger two, but maybe you can turn it around that possibly it''s a lady she works with & they are working on a new project together, i know it''s difficulot to tell lies, but sometimes as a parent you have to twist the truth a tiny bit to protect, after all, they are only children & other kids can be evil.

My kids were teased so badly when me & their mother broke up, the eldest still has issues 20 years on, because they had to witness their mother''s drunken, violent behaviour before she went out to meet my best mate (i use the term mate loosely). So do your best, maybe trips to the park with a picnic after school before their mother gets home, so you aren;t around when she gets in.I know it''s difficult to avoid her but it can have it benefits if you can.

Hopefully with the waether getting better, bike rides, walks etc, i know it''s not cool for the children to be out with their parent, but see it as bonding time, they will thank you for it later , good luck Gr...etc !

Hi, it sounds like a very difficult situation that your in. I can only comment as one parent to another. If discussing things in person becomes heated then stick to putting things down in writing (email/text). Maybe you could explain the impact her actions are having on the children and respectfully ask her to show some discretion and sensitivity to their needs. Make sure it''s written in a non confrontational way. Kids even as young as 10 have a basic understanding of LGBT, especially as children are teasing you son about it. Might be worth asking the wife to sit down and have a chat with the kids individually. (Although, judging by what you said I might be expecting too much from the wife).
Sounds like the best way to get rid of her is to get a financial settlement in place so that you can both get on with your lives separately.