Choatic Ex

Hi,
Pulling hair out here. Separated 2018, Divorced 2020 June and been fighting to get the Ex into court/arbitration ever since. Had the court cancel at last minute twice causing loss of all fees to Baristers on both sides. Ex is chaotic, demanding unreasonable things. she is now on her 7th set of solicitors, every time I pay her fees and mine and of course it resets time scales, she has cost me almost 100,000 pounds so far and no end in sight. As the courts are letting me down by last minute cancellations (have tried to get the money back from the courts but they say no they are not at fault bla bla) I managed to get her into an FDR with an arbitrator, she then sat there and refused to negotiate, walked out of the building, followed up with 3 open proposals which offered more than the FDR, she didn't answer.

She continues to live in the family home with 3 kids (17, 14, 12), I pay the mortgage all bills, insurance, monthly money etc. She works but has hidden this from the process and refuses to disclose.

Finally I managed to get her to agree to binding arbitration she chose the arbitrator from the list. In order to get her to agree I again said I would cover all fees. Her solictors have spent all of this money which was supposed to get us through the process on writing accusations and letters to my solicitors, now the arbitrator has said they are not available, an alternative was offered up but the EX said she doesn't accept the alternative and wants to push the arbitration out to next year (probably March/April).

It feels like the UK legal system is an absolute joke that someone can delay like this, waste so much money for no reason and there seems little I can do about it.

Can someone really say no to an alternative arbitrator when original one is no longer available (due to health issues) - feels like that should not be possible but the arbitrator clerk says nothing they can do if both parties don't accept the alternative (which I do)

I feel like stopping paying the mortgage and everything else I do out of good will to force this all to a head but know it will be used against me but doesn't seem to be any benefit at all of behaving reasonably in fact the chaotic approach seems to be winning out as sitting in a fully paid house with all bills and money coming in while I live in a bed sit funding it all.

She even refused to sign a new deal on the mortgage to bring the interest down and is content with an extra 2K of interest payments a month - just because she can.

WTF.

Why are you paying her legal costs? Have you been ordered to?

I cannot see how arbitration could work if you don't have full financial disclosure.

Have you had any court hearings? Have Forms E been exchanged? Have you raised a questionnaire? You mention FDR with an arbitrator, is this private FDR? If that hasn't worked you need court directions to final hearing. An application is needed for this if you've been trying ADR.

It is unfortunate that you've had some last minute adjournments. The courts do normally try to reschedule as soon as possible.

It may be that you need to consider reducing your financial support to CMS levels only. You may need to explore whether a mortgage holiday is an option rather than risking arrears and impact on your credit record. You could consider a specific court application to compel her to agree the most cost effective mortgage deal while finances are sorted.

In terms of settlement, what advice have you had about what a fair settlement could look like? Could she and the children be housed more cost effectively? What alternative properties have you proposed? Any settlement will have to consider the reasonable needs of both parties and the means you have between you to meet them.

It sounds to me like this needs to be in the court process with very clear directions and sanctions set out if they aren't complied with.

Hadenoughnow