Married but apart...what about our future?

My husband and I have been living apart for almost 4yrs now and although we are still married, he shares and remains within the family home with the woman he had an affair with. we have 3 wonderful children, two under the age of 10 years old and the youngest only being 4years old, at the time of separation he was 6 months old. All children live with me within our very humble council accommodation, of which is a big drop from the family home we all shared together . My husband pays no maintenance has he believes he doesn''t have to, due to is work life revolving around volunteer work ( so he says ) and having the children at weekends. He will not own up to adultery and will not give me a divorce as i have requested 3 times as he says it will effect is rights towards the children. At the time of separation we had paid 97% of the mortgage and he had various low end investments and although he said it would be silly to put my name on the mortgage( therefore i didn''t), i paid into the house with furnishings ,decor, part extension and the duties of a house wife with children. When the day came for separation he said he wasn''t moving and created a volatile, unreasonable, depressive environment for the children and I, to the point that we couldn''t take it anymore so i moved out with nothing but clothes and the children toys with no furniture what soever , what led was a very rough, emotional couple of years leading up to the point where i am now ......PLEASE HELP WITH MY QUESTIONS....What legal rights have i got towards the family home now? Have i still got the legal right a wife has after 4yrs to make a claim for the assets he has got to secure myself and the childrens future?
How do i approach this with a solicitor

kind regards

Hi,
Welcome to wiki but sorry you find yourself here.
I''ll try and answer the questions as best I can.
With regard to divorce, it doesn''t matter what he wants, you can use Unreasonable Behaviour as the grounds and there is nothing he can to stop that.

You do have a claim on the marital assets you are still married so you will be able to resolve the financial position in the normal way, in all cases the wellbeing of the children is the priority.

I am not surprised he is in no rush, he is sitting pretty in the FMH, paying a low mortgage and no child maintenance.

Take care
LB

You need to register your interest in the FMH with the Land Registry, if your name isn''t already on the deeds.

You can use unreasonable behaviour to initiate a divorce - or you can wait another year and go for 5 years'' separation in which case you don''t need him to consent.

He''s not in a hurry to start a divorce as he has nothing to gain by it and financially will be worse off.

You, on the other hand, would end up with a share of the assets.

Read the guides on this website to gen up on the information you need.

Thankyou LB.... for the past 4 yrs i have felt so powerless and passive towards my predicament and couldn''t even raise the subject with friends and family without feeling a sense of shame and maybe hoping for reconciliation with him, but now i know i can move on i just need what i am entitled to for my children''s future.

Kind Regards

Moving forward from my earlier posts, I have instructed a solicitor and were now on our second letter to be sent to my husband with this week receiving one back from him. Within the next two weeks i should get a date of confirmation for mediation and will be trying to get my head around that. If there is any advice on how to prepare for mediation or how the preceding takes place and what they will ask for i would be grateful as the whole thing seems so overwhelming

Kind Regards M.

hiya... I''m at a similar stage, similar amounts of manipulation and emotional bullying going on. My ex has seemingly held the cards and is not keen on a settlement as it might mean she has to sell the family home even though she is being supported by someone else.
Don''t allow weasely excuses to sway you from getting a fair deal. You have been bullied out of your home along with the children.
I refused to leave when she came round [ after moving in with her bloke elsewhere ] demanding I move out of the family home... Fortunately I dug my heels in but it was very difficult, tho I didn''t have young children to look after. You do though so make sure you go to mediation fully armed with your rights and info from your solicitor.
The person you are married to is not going to give you a break in this, so emotional detachment from the other person is called for. You are both adults and have to take adult consequences for your actions. Don''t feel sorry for him.
This is what I am learning, my wife has her own agenda and wants the max she can get, I understand this but its painful to accept that she feels this way about me. But there you go.. we are all adults here kia kaha.

Thank you for your response. I have been living with the fact that my children have to see him every weekend knowing that she is going to be with him and knowing that she has a certain amount of influence in my ex family home. It would be really hard not to bring emotion whist in the mediation process and to sit through it as formal as I can seems impossible at this stage but your right were both adults and I will state the facts as to why I think I should have what is due to me and the children, and he will sit across from me and state the reasons why he thinks I shouldn''t and around we go I don''t think it will end in court albeit he is very stubborn and won''t let a portion of our assets fall at mine and the children''s feet without a fight.

Kind regards M.