ex stopped me seeing daughter

Hello everyone !
I have searched and searched the internet looking for help and advice over the past few months and seem to have ended up back where i started. This has led me here looking for help.

I have a 4 year old daughter to my ex she was born in 2005 and i have registered the birth so have 50% pr. my ex also has 2 other children who were 3 and 4 when we first me they are now 8 and 9. No residence orders are in place.

2 years ago my ex left for the first time and we agreed to 50/50 care of our daughter which once she was settled into her new house quickly changed and she began to dictate when i could see my daughter. Not happy with this i took legal advise and when my daughter returned to the family home with me i did not allow mum to take her again, i was quite fightend that she was going to do the same. It was only going to be a matter of days before i had an appointment to see my solicitor so hopefull rectify the situation. But within a couple of days my ex had gone to an emergency court and got a prohibited steps order and i had to return her. The order was gained by telling lies, and i did not see my daughter for 19 days,untill this time had never been more than 1 night without seeing her. when i went to cort 19days on i was granted supervised contact for 1 hour on a sat(i could not believe how rediculas this was as i had cared for my daughter equaly, if not more throughout her life) I had no choice but to agree so i could see my daughter.
I got to see my daughter that day and within a day my ex rang me and said i could come pick her up for a few days (bearing in mind the order had been gained by her sayin that my daughter was at risk with me??) with this i picked up my daughter. to cut a long story short within 2 months of leaving my ex had moved back home with the kids and things were back to normal. Although there was a court date set to review the initial contact set out previously (which now was not relevent) My ex then refused to go back to court or speak to her solicitor and also did not want me to go (i refused as i felt it was my duty to stand and show that the whole thing was a nonsense and the court had been manipulated just for the needs of my ex) I went to court on the day and my ex solicitor asked ME? where my ex was. I explained the situation and the solicitors went into court while i stayed outside, the whole thing was dropped and the prohibative steps order was dropped.

2 years on and my ex has now left for the 2nd time with the children, again we agreed there needs to be no problems and we will look after our daughter on a 50/50 basis and we agreed that nither of us pay maintenance and if our daughter needs anyting i would pay.
Once again within a few weeks things started to change and she made it hard for me to see my daughter. We eventualy agreed via solicitors letters that i would collect my daughter from school tue overnight and thake her back to school wed, i wouid then get her from school fri and take her back to mum sometime sat. After this she then agreed via solicitors letter that we could now sort the issue out between ourselves and we continused with the arrangements but every other weekend when i was not working i would have our daughter till eiter sun or back to school mon (althought this was not in writing) i also had her extra days when my ex required. We had also agreed that i was to take my daughter on holiday abroad for 2 weeks in april, and that i look after my daughter for the half term week in feb so my ex could go away for a week (a holiday she never went on)
This has run smooth for 6 months now since we split until about 5 weeks back when we had parents evening (school said my daughter was fine and managing wery well at this time, they commented on how she asked if dad was collecting her every day and school had to eventualy say on the days i did collect her "yes dad is getting you today") the problem came when i dropped my daughter off at mums before the school meetin as mum decided not to go, as i was leaving school mum was there for her other 2 children we spoke about how well daughter was doing, and i asked where she was my ex said "with my mum at my house" i said ok and left to go home.Befor i drove home i rang my ex house to congratulate my daughter on how well her report was ans she was constantly asking me about parents evening before i went, but there was no answer at the house , with this i rang her mother and when i asked to speak to my daughter my ex mother said she was not with her and she did not know where she was. Now worried i tried to contact my ex but got no reply so iwent to her house hoping she had not left the chidren alone. The children were there and had been lift with a man who i now know to be her boyfriend. Clearly i was not to happy with this and took my daughter home and told the man i will return her later when my ex is home, there was no argument and me and my daughter went home.
That night my ex demmanded i take her back, which i did but she was not willing to talk to me about the fact she had lied about the whereabouts of my daughter and caused me to worry. She then said "right she is not going on holiday with you now" (now paid for). I left to let her settle down hoping she would comw round.
5 weeks on she has not come round and has collected my daughter from school before me (out of school early) on the days i am supposed to collect her. I have now not seen her since last sat, and recieved an ultimatum on fri and a solicitors letter saying she wished to reduce contact, giving the excuse that over the past few weeks my daughters behaviour in school has been bad and she has been tired. If i did not agree to this on that day FRI via soliciotrs then i could not pick my daughter up from school that day as usual ??? I refused to agree and went to school to collect my daughter to find she had gone and took her out of school early to prevent me gitting her.
With this i spoke to the head re the claim of poor behaviour and he said its nothing to worry about and its only been over the last week or so that she has seemed unsettled (the last 2 weeks she has not seen her father, could be the explination) the head said he is going to reccommend to my ex that things have been fine for 6 months and my daughter has been doing well (as was said just 5 weeks ago in parents evening) and that they should go back to how they were eg dad collects her tue and fri from school.
This brings me to today SAT i have now not seen my daughter for 1 week, and these things my ex always seems to do at weekends when i cant contact my solicitor i also am having a huge financial struggle due to my ex leving our property and debts and now not contributing, every time i have to use my solicitor i have to borrow money to pay, i have no idea how to stop my ex thinking she can control whan my daughter sees me and have tried and tried to bend over backwards to accommodate her, i had my shift pattern changed to accommodate the days she had suggested (which she has now requested change to complete different days days i dont have off due to my work already accommodating the previous request)
I dont know how to stop this and my daughter i can only imagine is distraught as she has not seen me for so long, i am also worried that on the days i am supposed to collect her that my daughter is seeing it as me lettin her down as i am sure mum is not telling her when she asks where is dad that she has not allowed him to pick her up. Is it just me or does anyone else think that this behaviour is unreasonable ( and what about if i go to court would they think this i am feared of my contact reducing)

Im going to stop there because it is very long winded and i hope someone can offer me advice or maby someone has experianced a similer thing. Thank you

Missmy daughter

I am going to give you a hug first and formost

I know what i want to say to you but i am going to waite for the legal eagles to have input first

I can only talk about the struggles and how you will experience pain in all kinds of places

however should you choose to fight i will stand by your side

watch for GG he will help so will amanda Other wise Known as dl

i know you will get so much support on here it can be breathe taking.

love seany

Thank you for the reply.......im in a dark place at the moment and cant see a way out. I had my daughter so i could see her every day not once every 2 weeks. I have every intention to fight but i will admit i need help.

i promise you i will be beside you every step of the way

i do need the legals to post then we can wlk the hot coals

seany pm me if you need to talk

OK if I've got this right everything was going fine for 6 months until your ex left your D with her new partner whilst your ex attended a parent/teachers evening. You didn't like this and took the child. Now your wife is angry and making threats and you haven't seen your D for one week.

When the children effectively live between the two homes you can of course make a new urgent court application for a Shared Residence Order with the amount of time the children spend with each parent defined. If you can't afford a solicitor it is possible to represent yourself and the Form C100 is available to download from hmcourts website along with guidance leaflets CB1 & CB3. Court officials will assist you although they are not able to say anything which might be construed as legal advice.

However, you must realize good contact for children relies on parents working together. There are many years of parenting left and you cannot return to court to resolve every difficulty or force issues. Your ex is being unreasonable making contact difficult, but parental responsibility means she can decide what the children do in her time and delegate their care to someone else even if you don't like them. It sounds as though she lied about the whereabouts of your D because she knew what your reaction would be. In the long term you both need to learn to rub along together because if you don't your children will be damaged.

Think you need to realise,it wasn't unreasonable of her to leave your daughter in the house with her new partner.
Your reaction was over the top.To take her away from the home.
You can't dictate like that,surely you can see your behaviour was completely unreasonable to take your daughter away from the house.
You have opened up your own can of worms.
Jesus,my exes partner is shacked up in the house i bought with my kids 24/7 I can't go round demanding that she's there and the kids can't be left alone with him,it's not reasonable she can do what she wants with her relationships.And she can leave any adult she wants in charge of the kids and nowt you can do about it.Biggest joke of all she can leave the kids home alone.there's no legal age that children can't be left home in this country.Found that one out when my ex and bazza were doing it to go to the pub.
As an absent father reduced to being an every other weekend Dad,my sincere advice to you is start concentrating on what you do with your daughter thats the only time you're responsible for and enjoy it coz you can't do feck all about about her arrangements for the kids and her time with them of her parenting.
or her partners.
just pray that the new geezer ain't some kind of nonce,and that in general he's a normal fella.Because you have no control over this
Your ex will be rsy about your access now coz you've over stepped the mark and she'll side with the new beau over you any day.
Keep your trap shut apologise and tell her you'll carry on as before in about a weeks time when she feels she's sufficiently turned the screw on you enough and had the last word on you would be my advice for getting what you want.
This game ultimately they can always withdraw access to the kids whenever you row.So thats why I have as least convos as possible with her and stick to the schedule and ignore what shes doing.
All the best
Pete

Hi missmydaughter

However unpalatable the advice you just got, it's very real advice I'm afraid.

When I divorced my first husband, our children were very young (1 and 3) and he criticised everything I did, at every turn. It took several years for me to feel confident enough in my own ability to parent, to stop listening to him. We make mistakes on our own, we risk making many more if we feel undermined as a parent; knowing that our ex is watching every move we make can be very unsettling.

My children are in their 20s and have very difficult relationships with dad. I still find myself in the role of mediator. However, I have to pick my own way through difficulties (especially with my daughter) who is very insecure where dad is concerned and will quickly target me for blame if I say the wrong thing. (Yes I know the psychology of children venting their frustrations on the one they feel comfortable enough to do that with - just hard being that one sometimes )

The point I'm making here is that your daughter has to live through this for many years before she's an adult... and it doesn't stop there. Everything you and your ex do - together, or separately - will be felt in one way or another, by her.

If you are over-critical of each other, believe me, 'tis the children who pay the highest price. I wouldn't expect you to support your ex emotionally, given your current status, however - don't let your daughter feel your criticism, and don't assume she can't feel it.


Good luck

Shezi