ex stopped me seeing daughter

Thank you haway

I feel a couple of week for my daughter not to see me especialy when she has been unsettled over the last week due to this reason is not at all good for her. Plus our holiday is 22 April, she was due to have jabs this week and the ex has my d passport.

I understand where your coming from though and believe me i have had to take a step back many times so its not like im not used to it but me and my D are not used to being apart for so long. Maby 2 or 3 days in the past when the ex has got shirty.

if you leave things my friend in an altered state thats what you will get if you leave it any length of time

so as i said 5 posts back write to sol if not agree then go to court.

i realy cant say much else mate sorry

seany

There is no reason to suppose a prohibited steps order is appropriate in these circumstances. From what has been described the reality is residence is shared, or was until very recently. There are no fast rules about SR. SRO orders have been awarded when parents live a long distance apart and when contact is every other weekend to equalize the power between parents. If you apply for SR now there seems to be no reason why shouldn't get it, but if not it isn't the end of the world (sorry too many negatives!). In practice an SRO isn't that different from the traditional contact/residence order.

Unfortunately SROs do not prevent an unreasonable parent from being difficult or flouting court orders. It is the actual amount of time the children spend with both parents that makes a difference. For example, if one parent has contact 7/14 days and the other parent seeks permission to relocate the children to the other side of the world, everything else being equal, the court is unlikely to grant permission and disrupt the children's education and relationship with friends regardless of the fact there is no SR. On the other hand if there was a SRO in place and the children were living with a parent just every other weekend leave to relocate would be likely to be granted.

I think it is very right to be cautious about making court applications. In my experience there are far too many people, often encouraged by others, seeking legal address. The problem is long after the court cases end often they realize they are trapped in an ongoing cycle of provocation and retaliation damaging the children. Mental health professionals have seen a massive increase in the numbers of older teenagers and young adults with mental health problems in the last 28 years.

If you would be content with contact only every other weekend there is no rush but if you want the existing arrangement to continue you need to act quickly. Only you can make the decision.

Sorry, I'm here again...

Something I meant to say earlier (though I'm sure it will have occurred to you already) - even if you accept reduced contact to 'keep your ex sweet', as it were, there is nothing stopping her from finding another reason for not letting you take daughter on holiday. And so it continues... which is why I would be taking matters out of her hands if I was in your position.

I fully agree with Fiona, I rarely suggest / recommend people go to court without making a concerted (and protracted) effort to negotiate / mediate. However, I think your case is different. I think you need to take some control back and the planned holiday brings an urgency to the issue. Even if your ex says, tomorrow, 'ok - you can take her', I wouldn't trust it. Without an Order, I think you're always going to be in that position

Shezi

Thank you fiona

Yes i want the existing arrangements to continue, i realise i have been having my daughter one weekend all weekend until sunday and the other till saturday, so maby there is not as much quality time for ex and sisters at weekend eg ex will have D only sat night everyother week. But like i said in the past i think this has been convenient for her in the way as weekend is going out time (if you get me) Now the ex seems to have a new man in her life going out might not be such a priority.
So i do understand that perhaps the ex may need more quality time at the weekend but i am not happy to stop contact in the week, this is avery important part of our time together.

If i go to court im i correct in thinking i need a spesific issue order for the holiday (this is the only way to ensure she will not change her mind and seems inevitable)

Like you said i am concerned about the fall out of going to court and now very concerned about the effect it could have on my D in the long run from what you have said.

But how else can i get thinkg back to normal if she wont play ball, im going to collect my D from school tues but again expecting disuption.

Thank you shezi

So what you are sayin is it looks like my only option is a court order????? but which one for the holiday and what about regaining the status quo (contact)

Hi Missmy

Let me be absolutely clear.

I am not a legal professional (I'm a teacher ) and am discussing here with you, your options as a parent. My own experience I outlined for you in a previous post.

Others will input on points of law, this I cannot do (other than to share my divorce experience as a parent).

However, I am saying to you that you do have options:

1) to continue as you are (ie. defer to wife's 'needs')
2) to negotiate agreement for change
3) to seek legal action

Since you say you cannot continue with contact at the 'whim' (I use the word advisedly) of your wife's conditions, that seems to rule out no 1. You also say that your wife will not respond to mediation... that seems to rule out option no 2. That leaves option no 3.

In your situation, as with my own, I would seek option 3. But... that is what I would do. You have to make your own decision because there is so much that we don't know. NOBODY can make that decision for you, I'm afraid.

I will say this, though, I too was afraid of instigating legal proceedings, I only did so because my ex took our daughter. There was a period that followed that was hell and exascerbated the conflict. But the conflict existed anyway and we were getting nowhere at all. This is not healthy for children.

You have to balance the effect of application for a court order with the effect of continuing as you are. If you feel that, although difficult, a court ruling on contact / shared residence - whatever - will draw clear lines for both parties then you can settle down to a routine, then focus on that. One way or another, you need to clear your head, make a decision that you feel is right for your daughter, that you feel you can commit to, and then focus on it.

Whichever course you choose, there will be pain because what you canot have, in divorce, is a happy family. This is what we give up when we choose to divorce. Whoever makes that choice, does so on everyone's behalf. Including the children.

Shezi