Primary Schools

I need some advice regarding primary schools. I am due to receive the admission letters regarding what primary school I wish my son to attend. Problem is my ex is complaining that he would like our son to attend a school near my ex. I have tried reasoning with him and asked if he can book an appointment for both of us to attend I would do so. He replied that if I want to look at it I do so in my own time, the same with the school I wish my son to attend. My ex is being really off hand with this and has now threatened me with court for custody. Is this possible and will he get it??? Your advice please...

Hi mumofone

Terminology has changed in the UK - there is no longer such a thing as 'custody' (though that was the term used in my first divorce) - we have Parent with Care (PWC) and Non-Resident Parent (NRP) now.

I'm assuming that you are the PWC and your husband the NRP. For a child starting school, it is a matter for both parents and child (just as it would be if you were still married). However, logistics must also come into play since it will be for the PWC to manage the daily getting to school for the child.

In an ideal world, you, your ex and your child, would all be happy with the choice of school and, as with all parents, you will (I'm sure) have looked hard into which is the right school for your child. Distance is only one factor.

For myself, I would not be told by my ex which school our child should attend, I would encourage a joint decision. If that is not a possibility, I would make the decision on behalf of our child.

Your ex is entitled to threaten anything he likes. What is realistic, however, is all you need to worry about. If he were to go to court for residence, what would be considered is what is in the child's best interests.

It is not terribly realistic to go to court because we are not happy with a choice of school - if that is all there is to his decision. Why is he not happy with your choice of school? What is the basis of his argument?

He is obliged to be as reasonable as you are when making choices for a child - you share parental responsibility. What are your reasons for choosing this school?

If I had a £ for every time my ex threatened to 'take me to court' because I didn't agree with him or made a decision he didn't like - I wouldn't have needed maintenance

My children are now both grown - we somehow muddled through. Don't let his threats intimidate you - but do be sure you are making the right decisions for your child.

Good luck

Shezi

In reality the choice of school is not a choice, its a preference and the local education authority will be most likely to allocate a place nearest the child's home.

Though that may be the likely outcome Nell - it's not as cut and dried as that. Depending on a number of factors (numbers on roll etc.) 'allocation' is open to challenge.

Shezi

Was you picking the primary school for your child or the ex hubby.Coz soundsa like he needs to grow up.
Wouldn't worry just sabre rattling!
think a judge would go with you if he turned up at court for residence on that one.They don't like the adults treating kids like a possesion to be fought over
all the best
Pete xx

I have been as reasonable as possible throughout everything that involves our son. At the end of the day our son doesn't deserve to be used as a tool. I wrote my ex a long letter regarding schools last year and sent it recorded delivery suggesting what I thought would be a good idea and I also asked for some feedback from him with regards to how he felt about my letter. My suggestion was that whilst our son is still a toddler, he stay with me and when he starts senior school he can stay with his dad, as he will be at the age where he wants to spend more time with his dad. Do you think I am unfair for suggesting this? I have looked into the OFSTED reports and am visiting the schools local to me and have informed my ex of all the times I am attending and have asked for him to accompany me, as i would like his feedback. I don't know what else to do? Am i being unreasonable??? I think i forgot to add that we have joint residency with regards to our son so how would the courts look at this if he took me to court???