working out maintance

currently csa not involved - as husband has decided he will pay xxx per month.
Ive not had any imput into this.
My lawyer suggested i make a list of all my outgoings and things i set aside for - for our daughter - however when husband saw this he said it was irelivant.

Has anyone got any advise etc if making up voluntary child support agreement - good or bad.

Im not looking for any more money from husband just trying to set things out in a way that he can see clearly what the money he pays is spent on. He keeps coming out with i pay you xxx - as though he was doing me a favour.

Id like to prepare something which could later be used as part of seperation agreement / divorce etc.

If we agreed ourselves that the amount to be paid was £xxx
would it be a good idea if i made up a list of things this paid
for - at the moment i think i set aside money for most things but it comes to a bit more that he is paying - but his comment to this was it was ireivant.

my mind may be starting to work overtime but do you think it would be a good idea if i itemised things - taking into account overnight stays. eg

gas and electricity 30 per week - should i split this betwen daughter and i - my share 15 and her share 15 then if daughter stays regulary with her dad 1 night per week split this further
15 divided by 7 x 6 = 12

doing this voluntary is not going to be easy to regulate he is a high wage earner earns commission and bonus there can be some months he may earn in a month what i do in a year.

I just want to have something set up which clearly details what he is contributing to - thats a fair amount in relation to what he earns and what it costs to care for our daughter.

Tink

A list outlining all the expenses is a good idea, but remember to include everything, from shampoo to school trips.

You say you have not had any input into how much your husband is to contribute - does this mean you feel you just have to accept what he is prepared to offer? You could do a sort of balance sheet, detailing what money is required to provide for your daughter, and showing how it relates to the CM he pays, esp if the expenditure is in the "red" each month.

Have you looked at the CSA calcuator, to give you an indication of how to "reduce" expenditure (sorry, thats such a cold word, but I cant think of another one to use!).


ruby

Hi
This can be very dodgy ground and involving the CSA may cause bad feeling and inevitably have an adverse affect on your child. If he agrees to pay what you need to support your child financially then try an come to an agreement. Long term it may well be to your benefit as he may contribute over and above this with 'extra's. Once the CSA are involved you may find his only contribution will be what they take.

The CSA is a good idea to force fathers who will not pay, but can also be the cause of bitterness and feuds. I know from my own experience how difficult it can be to come to a settlement but if you can be civil then it's the best option. My ex husband never really paid me much (£50 for two children per week) but because I didn't make it difficult, he paid for school uniforms, shoes, clothes, trips and even holidays. On top of that they stayed with him for the weekend.

Maybe you should remind your ex what the CSA will take should you choose to go down that route?

Jo

Thanks for the replies.
no imput what so ever into what he pays -
so i dare say i feel i have to accept the amount
would like to avoid CSA and im sure he would also
have tried the CSA calculator but not easy as he gets paid
commission and bonus and he is not likley to let me know what
that is - but from bank statements received over the last year
i know roughly what he got last year - what he paid last year
roughly works out what he paid. although did not take account of
overnight stays.
but then in addition to daughter have family dog to take care of which he bought for our daughter. pet insurance, vets, grooming etc can the dog be taken into account also. i dont mind paying half share - as he is company and husband would just dump him at cat and dog home if i said we had to give him up.
anyway - id like to try and make some sort of more formal arrangement and this is where i am running into difficulties.
communication is now - nil - i get the odd email etc - but at times i prefer this as i feel he can be a bit of a bully - i know i should not put up with it - but thats how things are at the moment.
I did recently attempt to list what was paid out although it was not as specific as listing shampoo and toothpaste etc but i thought i covered most things well - but reply i got was it was irrelivant.
I dont really think it is irrelivant and this is why ive posted for any advise/suggestions in this area.

in a ideal world - i think id like 2 sperate amounts of money
(1) which covered everyday items, rent/mortgage gas elec phone
food etc. the basic everyday things. my thoughts on this
were to list these - split 50/50 - but to also take into account and make deduction for overnight stays my daughter has with her dad.
(2) school trips , clothes, after school activities, mobile phones, pocket money,birthdays and xmas my thoughts on these are that these are mostly extras and i was going to list what i would set aside for these and ask for his comments on how and by whom these items are to be paid.

opinions - would this be a fair way to proceed - if i ever could get agreement from husband then i could give to lawyer to see if it could be made bit more formal.

i hate the word `expenses` also - feel like im having to justify every item i buy - i have a fantastic daughter who really understands we are just getting by - she does not ask very often for things.

sorry for rambling.