Child Support in addition to maintenance

i csn't write them a letter. they have asked their sols to tell me they want NO contact and telling me not to contact them directly but through the solicitor. i have not seen eldest d for 3 years or youngest d for 1.5. She's not angry just following her mother's lead that i should pay for it all. I did fight to keep contact with both ds and tried everything with youngest d but was advised that at their age it's up to them. Contact isn't the issue here i gave up on that a while ago. hoping they may change their minds when they get older and away from their mother. I did try sending letters to them through solicitor but they then asked not to do this and to "respect their wishes" so don't see what else i can do.

All i really want to know is if my wife would be expected to contibute more to shared expenses by the court (if it comes to that) as she earns more than me and whether she has to disclose her income as she is adamant she won't and I am wooried this could lead to trouble

I suppose the household income will be considered. Why would your wife mind supporting your daughter? Its not for ever, just until she finishes university.

University is expensive, the whole student life particularly the first year, Freshers when they have to go out alot in order to get to know other students and make friends.

If it comes to the crunch a court is highly unlikely to make your wife disclose her income, but if the judge doesn't know what it is he can infer an amount which might be more than it actually is. However, these matters are usually resolved through negotiation.

Thanks Fiona, you make sense as always.

Sillywoman , you are missing the point. My wife is already supporting my daughter indirectly by paying more than her "share" of our joint expenditure so I can pay what I am already paying. As for university being expensive my D will already be getting more than most students as she should have the maintenace I am paying for her on top of what others get. The estimations she has made made are well out of order. Fiona kindly provided me with figures that Edinburgh university recommend and according to this and other research I have done D is asking me to pay more than that after what she gets directly as a student loan is added. This means that her mother will not need to give her what the SAAS has assessed she should pay towards this and D's income from her part-time job (which fits round her studies by the way)would be on top of this again. Part of growing up is learning to live within your means which me and my new family are just about doing and D should learn to do the same. I also point out that her mother has a new partner who lives with them who is fiancially responsible for the children of the household as I am for my step children. He has no children of his own to consider. This means that their income is (roughly cos I don't know what they earn exactly) on a par with our household income. They will only have one child left at home while we will still have 2. If all this seems fair to you there is something wrong.
Your suggestion that my children should count more than my step children is quite frankly unbelievable. Surely every child is entitled to the same consideration. I repeat I just want what is fair and I am not trying to get out of paying my way. By the way my d will be sharing a flat in halls with 2 friends that are going to same uni, one on same course and already has some of her firends at the same uni in 2nd year. She is going to uni to study and not to party.I don't grudge her socialising but agian she needs to learn to do this within her means.

Only question remaining is should we be expecting wife to contribute more to shared household income than half. doesn't make much difference to overall picture as our "reasonable" expenditure is taken up by our joint income but it will help me know how to set out figures in correspondence if it comes to that. Anyone who can answer this it would be much appreciated. I am particularly interested in what a view a court would take on this rather than any "moral" point of view. (Sorry but I'm fed up being lectured by people who don't know th facts about how I should want to do write by my kids)

Mike, I'm afraid I can't offer constructive advice as I'm not familiar with Scottish law. But I hope that common sense prevails in your case. Leaving aside the fact that you are being asked to pay twice towards your share of your daughter's upbringing, her costs estimations seem quite ridiculous. I spend £120 per week in the supermarket and I'm in a family of 4, added to which my 3 step-children stay over 3 nights out of 14. £80 per week for a single person is nonsense!! There was a post on here recently in which most people agreed that, for a single person spending carefully, £40 per week on food was acceptable to go on form E.
I would take the line that your wife earns roughly £x ('to the best of your knowledge') but that her earnings are paid into her own bank account. You each pay 50% of household costs - that way you cannot be accused of supporting your wife at the expense of your children. I cannot imagine that any judge would think it reasonable that you continue to pay maintenance to the mother, when the daughter will be mostly absent from home, and pay additional money to your daughter.
I am in a similar position as I earn slightly more than my partner. After paying CM every month, repaying the marital debt and paying his half of our household costs, he spends more than he earns every month. We do not have a frivolous lifestyle, we drive a skoda and a kia and we buy most of our clothes from the supermarket. However, it is only because I do not have to pay CM myself that I am able to pick up his extra costs every month. This means that we are able to take the kids out when they stay and that we are able to use my money for holidays (nothing too extravagant though - just back from a week in cornwall with all 5 kids!!) The children are well provided for and I would resent any future moves by his children to get any more money from us as doing this would mean that my own children (one of which is also the daughter of my partner) would have to miss out on extras such as cinema trips, outings and maybe even holidays.