CSA advice required

Right here goes..

I have a son (6).

I also have ex step daughter (11) whom has my surname (legally changed) and whom I treat as daughter, likewise I am Dad. She hasnt seen real dad since she was 2.

Im now divorced and I moved out of home in April. The set up was that ex would drop both kids to me at 730am and I would take them to school plus pick them up, do their dinner 5 days per week and take them back home at 530pm. THe kids would stay @ mine once a week because I also work nights.

Im May, ex wanted to change drop off time to 715am. I initially said "No" and she sent me a text message...

"Its simple either have the kids at the latest 715 everyday and I wont go to the CSA or I put them into Little Owls (Nursery) and am left with little choice but to get the CSA involved"

So I agreed to the 715am starts.

At the end of August, she said that because they (thats her and her new partner) are down to the one car between them, they would have to leave at 7am and therefore I would have to have the kids from 7am.

I said "No" because her reasons are invalid and I dont agree to the children being up so early in the morning when their schools are 30 mins away.

They now go to a childminder at 7am.

Obviously, I have now been hit with letters from CSA. I dont begrudge paying for my son but lets be fair.

I cook their evening meals 5 days per week. I am in effect offering free childcare in the afternoons. I dont legally have to do anything for the eldest BUT morally I do and as far as Im concerned she is my daughter and drastic actions would harm the child/children.

Do you reckon the CSA would take this into account?

Should I ask my ex for maintenance for the eldest?

Thanks in advance.

What are your exact contact arrangements, are you getting the reduction for overnight stays. The CSA would say that the evening meals from you were a "gift" and that you did not need to provide, likewise in theory your ex should be providing the food. You should not be paying CSA for your step daughter that should be recovered from her biological father.

Good luck!

mmmmm

Does the word "blackmail" spring to mind????

It seems to me that if you are providing childcare for the children and meals 5 days a week, you are "paying" for the children.

CM should be paid for the oldest child by her father and you should pay for the younger child.

How about calling her bluff. In effect you are having to be at home five evenings a week to accommodate the children which clearly you do not mind at all.

However, if your X had to pay for after school care and meals, I would think it would cost much more for her.

Suggest that you do not have the children at all through the week, except maybe once or twice (to suit you) and that you pay her CM for the youngest child.

Bet that goes down like a ton of bricks!

Good luck. You sound like a brilliant dad.

Jo x

Hy

I would write this all down & contact the CSA myself.

The very fact she has waited this long to involve them reflect her blackmailing tactics.

I would write to her & say you are no longer willing to pick them up from school nor feed them as a result of her involving the CSA & breaking the agreement of trust you had between you.

Maybe pick 1 or 2 days that suit you! & let her sort the rest out. Or dont do it at all until she starts to behave reasonable & ceases the blackmailing & you both get something drawn up that you both agree too.

You will not have to pay maint for older child as you are not the biological father.

Pay it for youngest & thats it!

Agree some kind of contact order, take some professional advice on this.

Put your foot down & stop her taking the p*** out of you!

2 can play that game, Her behaviour is unacceptable & the sooner you put a stop to it the better mate.

Kind Regards
Angel 1

Thanks to you both.

Real father of eldest has never paid CM BUT ex did receive £7500 in back payment this year which she spent on herself.

I would love to call her bluff and ONLY have the children the one night per week as per her claim but it would devastate the kids.

At present, her childcare costs per week is £36. If I were to do the above, they would at least double.

The maximum CM I would have to pay BTW is £36 per week.

Personally, I feel a shared responsibilty is the way forward. Due to my flexible working hours, It can be arranged for the children to stay equally over 14 nights (7 each) but just cant see that happening.

Now of course I may get shot down in flames over this but it sounds to me like you are the one doing the majority of parenting which to me would sound like you are the parent with care.

I would suggest a quick letter from your sol if you have one or one from you pointing out the above and stating that you would of course like to settle things amicably and hope that her actions do not mean you would have to go down a more formal route

I am in the process of gaining PR for the eldest and take it from there.

I know she is taking the p*** but I am loyal to both kids. If I were to take the drastic action of stopping the routine, she would block all further contact with the eldest etc.

Of interest both kids would prefer living with me so one step at a time.

The CSA do have a 5 page letter from me detailing everything.