Really need some advice please - desparate!

I'm really pleased to have come across this forum which appears as though it might be able to help me with my situation.

I am a divorced and remarried father who has two adorable children, both of whom have happily lived with me for 3 out of 7 days / nights for the last 8 or so years.

My ex-wife remarried quite soon after the divorce. I remained single until June 2007. I have always valued my children’s step father and have tried to make that known.

For all the period up until June 2007 my situation was exactly the same as the person who started the thread 'What exactly is CSA maintenance for?'. Here's a quote from the thread:

I currently have my boys to stay with me 3 nights a week every week. I pay my ex an agreed amount . She earns the same as me and is currently living with her partner who also works and whose income is relatively similar.
I provide clothes for the boys when they are at mine and pay for clubs etc when they are at mine.
My question is what exactly am i paying my ex money for . she is in a situation where she can now afford to save money and holiday abroad at least twice a year where as i can t do either. She gets both working tax credit and the child allowance ( i think thats the right one any way ).

I have absolutely no problem paying for my children (

The only difference is that I paid the CSA level maintenance voluntarily as well as paying half towards all sorts of other extra things (school trips etc.).

In June 07 when I got married, I also lost my job and struggled to make any real money for quite a few months. One month that year I only brought in £300.

However, even though they originally said they would let me off maintenance until the October of that year (07) because of my situation, my ex-wife and husband decided to take out a CSA case that autumn. Apparently they 'blew their top' after I'd taken my children out for a treat, saying 'how can he afford to treat them to a meal, and yet claim he's having a hard time financially?'

So the CSA did their stuff (and I have NEVER tried to avoid maintenance so i was very helpful with them) and they set me a figure. THEN my ex and hubby asked me to give half towards school trips / travel etc. on top of that. I refused and was told 'ok the kids won't be going on trips then'. So, of course I gave in.

My wife and I are now on about 22k between us, we have no access to child benefit, child Tax credit, or anything. Me ex and her hubby are on at least 32k (as they can't apply for EMA for my daughter who's at college) and yet I not only pay CSA maintenance but they also still want half towards the other stuff.

And finally ON TOP OF ALL THIS I nwo have my daughter for 2 solid weeks out of every 4. My son still comes for 3 out of 7 days each week. I have one of two children in my care for 3 weeks out of 4 yet cannot claim a penny or get my ex wife to see that it is a touch unjust.

Does anyone out there have any advice at all? Especially any 'parents with care.'

Am I being treated fairly or not? I'm so confused and my marriage is suffering as a result of all the pressure.

Thank you so much,

lovemykids!

Hi
Take a look here

www.csa.gov.uk/en/setup/other-financial-commitments.asp

Hi also look here

www.csa.gov.uk/en/setup/shared-parenting.asp

Thank you for the link Juniorboarder, but the issue cannot be solved with CSA 'Variations'. the issue now is re. the 'voluntary' payments I make.

The thing is, I do not object to paying exactly the amount the CSA have worked out - even though I have my daughter for 26 weeks out of 52 and my son for 23 out of 52.

What has happened is that ON TOP of the CSA payments I'm also asked to provide half towards school trips or transport. If I refuse then they don't go on trips and my son(so the lastest email said) may even have to move to a different school, that does not require bus transport. It feels like emotional blackmail.

I pay for food, clothes, pocket money / things etc. while they're in my care (which is half the time). I do get any support CB / CTC etc. I pay CSA maint. I am on less than a 2/3rds of what the otehr home is on and yet I am being asked for extra!

And if I don't cough up my kids will suffer.

It's making me ill.

Hy Lovemykids

What you have to do do is get in touch with the CSA as soon as you read this post.

Tell them you are stopping the payments until this is resolved.(They will sharp sort it out)

Ask for someone to come out & see you asap.

You need to explain exactly what you have posted here!

Also get in touch with CB & WTC regarding the time children spend with you!

STOP contributing to half of everything school trips etc... Can you not see you are being blackmailed.. she aint the first ex wife to do this & she is certainley not the last... You are not alone in the use of children being used as emotional weapons. If they dont go - then they dont go - Tough! its not the end of the world & its not your fault either.

Your current CSA is what supports your children & given the time you have them why dont you demand she pays half of petrol used to transport them around - food bills etc etc... see how pathetic it sounds! You know what tho - your entitled to it!!!

Ypu have got to stop being a pushover & get in touch with CSA now & fill in a variation of CSA as you feel there is some dispute over just exactly whom is the NRP given the time the children spend with you! & the amount of money your contributing..

Can I ask why is it you have daughter 50% of the time too ?
DO IT NOW!

All the best

Angel 1
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If your having the kids basically 50/50 and paying your ex maintenance,then its not fair that she is also asking you for money on top of that for school trips etc.
It shouldn't feel like emotional blackmail,it just is!
The maintenance payment alone is unfair when its shared childcare plus she'll be bagging all of the benefits on top of that.
Don't feel guilty i'd personally tell the kids i'm sorry your mother won't send you on the school trips but I have no more money to give I cannot afford it.
Under your breath (money grabbing b-tch)
Don't beat yourself up about it that's her choice not to send them on the school trips the guilt is all hers not yours.
I know that ain't want you want to hear but she's being unreasonable not you.Start pointing the kids back in her direction when they want a reason.
If the ex gets on your case you are going to have to be crystal clear with it that you are financially unable to do any more,and she is being greedy and if the kids don't go on the trips thats her choice and her fault not yours.
As for the moving the son outta school that's a load of bollox what mother is going to move a kid from a school and all his friends for the price of a bus fare.
If you can't afford it you can't afford it and also there's a time when you can't and don't have to feel guilty about someone else being greedy.
All the best
Pete

Haway

How spooky - I was actually thinking before I replied, you would come across this post at some point.

I thought "You`ll tell it how it is"

Straight to the point

Angel 1
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