CSA, Contact, heaps of grief

Something similar happened to me with CM. My ex paid the amount we had agreed voluntarily which was actually less than CSA rates for six years and suddenly stopped. He kept going on about his outgoings etc and it was very clear he had been influenced by someone on the old CSA scheme.

The CSA contacted him immediately and he was given another opportunity to reply but didn't so the money was deducted from his earnings each month. It took six weeks from the time the CSA first wrote until I received payment but it can take considerably longer. My ex ended up paying considerably more CM through the CSA than we had originally agreed.

Hi there

I agree with the girls here - for some, the most excruciating scenario is handing over money. For others it is missing the children.

In either case (contact and finances) both seem to be the underlying cause of hostility in divorce.

I think that when circumstances change, a change in attitude also occurs... some get scared, others get greedy - and still others simply see an opportunity to make changes. What we are threatened with, however, rarely plays out. In my case, my ex would not let me take the children. He took time off work to care for them (they were very young). But reality bites... he was under pressure to return to work and I duly got a phone call to say that I could come and collect the children.

Try not to be afraid. Do your sums, follow the procedures, hold your breath... do what it takes. But remember, he doesn't write the law. He can jump up and down all he likes but, in the end, he will have to play ball.

I know that a lot of damage can be done along the way but, with children, you are in it for the long haul and they learn a lot. Sometimes you have to be real patient.

My daughter was 3 when I divorced her father - she's now 26. Only this afternoon she telephoned to complain (again) about her father's lack of interest in her own children. I have learned to keep my mouth shut. I remember my own fears - just like you now - about how I would cope. We coped.

Good luck

Shezi

Hi K

Hope you are ok???

Its very much Mirrored with my Daughter!!!

I seperated for 9 months with STBX 5 years ago!! (He was caught with his pants down!!)
3 Kids absolutly distraught as like the wife!! at the time kids was 15, 12 and 5!!

He got himself a 2 bed rented!!! At first the 12 year old would not entertain him UNTIL he brought her a PC as a sorry present!!
(We has a PC but it was shared and he came in the nite and cut all internet access!!)But the PC had to be kept at his so she moved in!!!
Fed her full of crap that I had affairs (Never ever cheated My mobile never even had credit his was on contract!! my 5 year old at the time even come back from his dads and called me SLAG coz his dad told him!!)He was out 5 nights a week leaving her home alone!! And when she was ill guess who's problem it was!!!!!

Just like to point out 15 year old got nothing from him coz she was beyond bribe and he dint want a 5 year old tying him down!!

Anyway to cut very long story short ended up back together (I had met someone else and it hit him!!)

He admitted after he did it to hurt me as I kicked him out and he thought I would have forgiven him!!

So again same Daughter but 5 years on same bribes as she is a easy target even being 17!! (Car!! but aint arrived as yet!!) Again Lies are being fed as well as me calling her an asshole Her dad is apparently not her dad!!! Sick to death with it all!!! Told him to do Internet DNA but he wont coz he knows he is the daddy and its a mind game!!!

Just like to also say!!! 17 year old was living with me UNTIL the day he had his CSA Call in July!!! CSA said 17 year old resides with dad!!! I said no 2nites a week with Dad!! her Laptop & straitners still in bedroom she stays know where without them!!! Guess what she never came back only for her stuff coz!!! WHATEVER DAD SAVES IN CSA HE WILL BUY ME A CAR!!!

Sorry K the posting you started was for your rant!!! Im joining your rant!!! lol

It is very difficult and I can Imagine your fullstration, Ive not tried to limit access yet the harder you try the harder the battle becomes!!!!

Keep ur chin up!!!!!

Debs:)

Happy new year to you all, a quick update on my battles with stbx,

CSA have written to me today to say they have done the calculations, ex has to pay £75 per week from 16th December. Posted earlier in December saying how the had decided a month before xmas to stop paying, with no reason, other than he could. Up till this point had had been paying with no problem, but in cash, as part of his wages were being paid in cash as a tax fiddle....he is employed by my brother and when I pointed out that this would come out in our financial disclosures, he hurredly started paying him by cheque and formalising it with the HMRC...awful that your own family would commit tax fraud but not really my problem I suppose, I just wanted to get what was rightfully my daughter's maintenance.

When I text him back in december about why he had stopped paying, get this, he phoned the police and claimed I was harassing him....police came to my house and warned me not to text him...but when I pointed out he had actually assaulted me by pushing me back in November, they werent interested as there is no evidence. I've been a victim of his violence and abuse for most of our marriage but always declined police involvement because of the kids...big mistake.

Anyway, I digress.....it will take till February to actually see any money as I refuse to contact him and give him my bank details so he can pay me directly, advised CSA they need to collect it and pay me...

One question though, at some point I know he will be living with his girlfriend, he has so far declined to move her in until we are divorced due to 'legal implications' I assume he means that if she is sharing his rent and bills, his income will be deemed to be more...she also owns a small house which I assume she will let out....will the income received from rent be deemed to be his income as well ? Not sure how it works but I know if there is anyway he can negate his obligations to his daughter he will. He is now not allowed contact with her as the last time he saw her, first week in decemebr, he dumped her on his brother for 2 days, and also didnt give her her asthma medication for 5 days so she became ill with yet another asthma attack...same thing happened in September...he still refuses to accept he has done anything wrong.

Totally at the end of my rope with the evil pig but at least there looks like there is some money coming in a few weeks....

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get that off my chest