maintenance or mortgage payments, not both?

Hi all,
just wondering if you could share your views.
My stbx of 9mths has continued to pay half of all mortgage payments. Initially I was happy to manage until i reduced my hours for childminding reasons, with my reduced income i was not in a position to pay for usual swimming lessons etc. So asked the kids dad for £30, for half of fee, it was the first time i had to ask and he refused saying he couldn't afford it.
He is adamant that he pays enough.

I have told him i am applying to the CSA to prove to him that he isn't paying enough. I do not intend to pursue maintenance through CSA, just want him to see proof in black + white. Besides, he says if CSA make him pay he will then stop paying his share of mortgage payments.

Another gripe I have is that tonight when he dropped kids off, my oldest has returned with another pair of best jeans ruined. What do i do?? I asked him, as he is yet to buy son birthday present of 1 mth ago, if he would provide money for new jeans. I knew the answer, but felt i had to ask.
I don't want to send good clothes anymore cos i can't afford to replace them, but its not fair on our kids, if i send round Dunnes jeans then it wouldn't bother me so much. Or, I could ask him to provide clothing for kids while they stay at his?? What do you guys and girls think?

Catty

Hi Catty,

The jeans I think should be covered by him if it happened there and I would certainly do the same if it was my kids. At the moment I am in the MH and paying my wifes share of the debts. What you need to understand is the stretch it puts on 1 person when you go from a lifestyle of 2 wages to one.

Now no one can stop you from going to the CSA and it might be different where you are. But for me I am already paying the maximum £240 a month but I am taking out the payments that my wife should have been paying.

She says that's not good enough and she wants me to pay her half and then also pay her the full £240 a month but that's going to happen. I don't earn enough. I'll pay her £240 if she pays her half but then again that's no different to the current situation so why rock the boat.

Hi Catty,

It appears your husband is being an arse if you don't mind me saying so!

I take it that you have a joint mortgage & if yes then you both have to pay as you know.

The CSA monies have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Use the CSA calculator anyway it will show you how much he should be giving you as a guide! Then discuss with him.

But am I missing something but I take it that as your arn't divorced yet that he will be paying CM & spousal maint down the line.

Apolgies if I am way off the mark as I don't know your full circumstances.

I have been thinking about started a thread re what I think is called ocupational rent.

My situ is wife has forced me out of house. As we don't get on and if I hadn't moved out she said she would take kids to her folks. As I said this our problem why should the kids suffer going from one house to the nxt!

So when I am home from work when I am with the kids I am in the house with them and when I am not I stay elsewhere.

But I pay the mortgage, utilities, Sat Tv x 2 all joint debits i.e.e credit cards.
When we are with the kids we obviously pay for there food etc.

I has stayed at my folks last time home. But as I am stressed out it has made this very hard as they have been great but don't need my crap plus as an adult you just don't get the space that you need especially when you are going thru the Wonderland that id divorce!

So I will be staying elsewhere and will have to pay for it.

I feel I am being screwed a bit and shouldn't have to pay all this stuff.

Ok will stop otherwise will just keep on going.

L4N

Me again,

How could I forget!

Also pay for after school club fees, swimming lessons, gym membership for wife & kids.

I have no problem when its for our kids but I feel like I am being an idiot paying all this stuff. Yes I easrn more but some of the stuff is just silly.

It will be changing as of when I get home!


L4N

Hi guys, thankyou for your point of view. I have learnt alot from reading wiki threads since we spilt and i don't want to become a bitter stbx wife. I just want him to be a responsible parent and make sure his kids have what they 'need'.

At present we both have similar wages and we both pay equally for mortgage and we pay a loan each for the cars we drive. He is staying at his parents, while i provide for our children.

All I want is for him to stick his hand in his pocket if im in desperate need.
In answer to your question L4N, we are seperated and after we divorce then he will pay CM.

Catty.