CSA question - natural father turned up

Hi

Long story - but I got together with STBXW about 17 years ago. She already had one child. We had another. Our oldest is now 18 (not my boilogical father) but I still class as my own as such. She is now going to attend university. my daughter never had contact with her biological father from the age of one. He has now appeared on the scene and wishes to start seeing his daughter all the time now.

Its a tough question but as I am paying maintenaince still for her where do I stand now as her biological father is now on the scene ? Do i continue paying or should it be his roll to do this ?

any advice would be appreciated.

OK, I assume that you are paying the maintenance on a voluntary basis, so legally, you are under no obligation to pay whether or not your daughter's biological father is on the scene, and whether or not he pays anything.

I think the main issue here is your relationship with your daughter, and with your ex and younger child, and how they will see it if you stop paying.

Before this man turned up, was it your intention to support your daughter through university? If so, was this to be by paying her directly or by paying maintenace to her mum?

Ideally, I suggest you sit down with them to discuss it.

Bear in mind that CSA rules only require maintenace to be paid until a child is 19, or leaves secondary education if that is sooner, so even if her biological father were to be asked to pay something, he could only be compelled to do so for the next couple of months.

Id he willing, or able, to help with the costs of her attendign university? Does she want to be dempendent on him in that way?

Although you have no legal responsibility, she is clearly your daughter and you are best placed to judge whetehr she would see you stopping or reducing_ maintenace as standing aside to allow her biological father to take up his responsibility, or whether she would see it as a rejection of her by you.

Personally, i s=would suggest that you continue to pay as you are until she leaves school (unless she or her mum suggests that you stop) and then consider a general discussion with your ex about how she should be supported while she is at university as presumably you ould have been reviewing the arrangments at that point in any event, and considering whether the best arrangments was for you to continue to make payments to your ex or to provide support directly to your daughter. That discussion can now include how she will be supported - i.e. whether by you, her mum, her father, or all three of you.

I'm sure you will still be her dad, but if she is feeling uncertain about her father having suddenly turned up she might see you stopping paying as an indication that you are withdrawing from her, so it is really important that if you do stop, you take care to explain to her that you are, and always will be her Dad, but that you want to give her father an opportunity to be involved too.

I wouldn't have thought it was "legally" your duty to pay for your daughter.

However, given the obviously close relationship would it be better to help her out finanicially and give her money directly rather than to her mother?

She would then still be getting your help and I am sure she would appreciate the support and stability at what, I am sure, is a confusing time for a teenager.

Either way, I must say that I think you are being very thoughtful and considerate but, if it were me, I would make the STBXW claim child maintenance from the natural father.

Good luck

Mumsty

I would say keep paying as you have been. This girl will know you as her dad and not her biological dad. You have brought her up to the age of 18. Is it a coincidence he has turned up now (thinking he won't have to pay anything)? Is he reliable enought to stay in her life now?

My daughter had a very close relationship with her stepdad who knew her from the age of one and we were together 13 years. After we split up her natural father came back on the scene when she was 16 (after a 4 year absence and had never paid any maintenance). Sadly my ex (her stepdad) then seemed to think he had no obligation to her. So my daughter has two men she calls 'dad', but neither of them pay anything towards her upbringing.

How sad but at least she has her Mum

Your voluntary financial obligation to the mother would end in Sep when she starts Uni anyway. If you so wish to continue helping her directly from Sep that's up to you. I hope you continue having a close relationship despite the biological father appearing.