is it changing from net to gross?

Iagree every case is different.

It just seems to me that generally the system is geared towards giving the mother money at the expense of the father. In the belief that this is beneficial to the children. Whereas the truth might be the complete reverse.

Say you had a rich PWC and a poor NRP. Why not have child maintenance flowing the other way?

At least we agree that each individual case is different

My children are now well into their 20s - I parented solo from the time they were babies until late teens (when I remarried).

Now divorced for the 2nd time, I have money to spend on myself for the first time in my life! From my own experience and that of PWC I've met, considerably more than 50% of income goes directly to raising children. In this, I would include the total running costs of the home provided for them. My income consisted of salary, CB and CM. There was never anything left at the end of the month and very little was spent on myself.

I never worried about it, never resented it and not once did I seek variation on CM. I didn't really want his money so worked really hard to keep his contribution to a minimum.

I fully appreciate that some PWC want a lion-share of the ex's hard-earned money. I also appreciate that some NRP resent every penny they hand over.

But I'm happier knowing that my battles were not about money (his were) - they were about raising my children. That was battle enough.

Shezi

Yes, but the NRP is still the parent.

My ex pays between £30 and £50 a month towards four children. He works full time, but chooses not to support them emotionally never mind responsibly.

At the end of the day, it is his loss.

I do everything for them, as I have no choice.

I do it as I want to give as much as I can to my children - again, emotionally, not just responsibly.

If I was rich I'd move miles away to take his disinterest out of the equation. He lives in the same town as us...

When you're married and plan to have children within a 20 year marriage, it is WRONG that the NRP behaves as the father of my children does.

Yep. Every case is different.

Like I say, my lot love their dad. So pat on the back for me there, as I've lied so much to protect him.

Him not seeing them is his loss.

Him not supporting them does mean that the children do miss out on a lot of things, but do appreciate that I have a very tight budget. They do ok though.

Shezi wrote:

At least we agree that each individual case is different

My children are now well into their 20s - I parented solo from the time they were babies until late teens (when I remarried).

Now divorced for the 2nd time, I have money to spend on myself for the first time in my life! From my own experience and that of PWC I've met, considerably more than 50% of income goes directly to raising children. In this, I would include the total running costs of the home provided for them. My income consisted of salary, CB and CM. There was never anything left at the end of the month and very little was spent on myself.

I never worried about it, never resented it and not once did I seek variation on CM. I didn't really want his money so worked really hard to keep his contribution to a minimum.

I fully appreciate that some PWC want a lion-share of the ex's hard-earned money. I also appreciate that some NRP resent every penny they hand over.

But I'm happier knowing that my battles were not about money (his were) - they were about raising my children. That was battle enough.

Shezi

So well said

Can I ask an honest question.

When the children reach 19 and the maintenance/benefits stop; do PWC find it a struggle to cope? I imagine there would be a sharp drop in income once the burdens of primary care are lifed.

I think by then you hope the 19 year old will be working and able to contribute to the household.

My oldest is 18 and just completing first year in sixth form.

But then in my case, it could be argued that you wouldn't really miss £3 odd a week maintenance, would you?



This is just my situation, of course...

For me, zonked, this is where the CM not being increased over the 15 years he paid it was a bit of a blessing - I barely missed it.

My daughter was in college until 19, her father simply stopped paying when she was 17. I think he thought he'd paid long enough. I didn't challenge it - I just added up my income and expenditure and decided it really wasn't worth fighting him over £25pw for another 2 years.

The real irony is, he's one of those guys you hear talking in the bar saying he got 'screwed' He wouldn't believe me if I told him how much our children cost to raise...

Shezi