At long last, a CSA assessment

Right so I dropped down my CM payments to what the calc states in june. Quite frankly I couldn't afford to do anything with my kids when I had them and this extra £100 a month allowed that to happen. Anyway some backlash ensued, contact continued thankfully but I advised the ex to apply to the CSA.

So now near on a month and a half later I got a call from them and am going to be formaly assessed. No problem with that, what I do have a problem with is that I am virtually at a transition point of having no overnight contact to having it as of this weekend, and if things continue onwards as they have this will mean once a fortnight, so my current payment stays the same. No problems with that side of things.
What I do have an issue with is that I want to have the kids overnight every friday, and every second saturday and was literally going to approach the ex about this next week.
Her motivation for saying now have just increased as she will be aware the more staying contact I have, the less I have to pay in CM. Its not a huge difference, only about £50 a month which is fine, but I don't want this to be the driver behind her saying no to more overnights.

Now I have thought about applying to vary the Consent Order we have which was issued back in March, this currently only indicates every saturday all day with no overnights and I want holidays, and christmas sorted as well.
My ex has already said offhandedly to friends she will use mediation as a way of me wasting money but she doest want to go back to court???

wondering how to softly approach this really.
Was thinking about getting my solicitor to write a letter formalising the saturday staying, and requesting every friday, along with a week at end of august. I know i always have the option of flat out asking her but I think the blunter approach of a solicitors letter might dismay her from saying no if its laced with the mention of returning to court to formally vary if we can't agree?

Any thoughts appreciated folks!

Hi Eyes,

Her motivation to prevent/stop overnight contact is finances alone (even in the subtext if not said outright) or has she stated any other reasons?

Your contact order was issued back in March and I believe this is the 'minimum' amount of contact stated.

As far as I'm aware a review normally occurs after about 6 months to ensure all is working OK, is this the case here?

Can I ask why overnights and Christmas etc. was not covered in the Contact Order?

WR

She made some false allegations and rather than embark on a full section 7 (altho this probably would have gone in my favour) and as I hadn't seen 2 of my kids in 8 months I agreed to supervised at the first hearing (dec) then unsupervised daily (march). Case was adjourned, I think the judge got the inkling she was blowing hot air about the allegations so we were instructed to go to mediation if contact broke down or didn't progress, no further CAFCASS involvement was needed.
It has in that I see the kids for more than what was ordered (alternate sat/sun all day now but was only saturdays). But overnights are just about to happen this weekend.

I have askd to have them overnight every weekend since mid may, but she kept stating 'she wasn't ready'. She stands by her false allegations and continues to state she doesn't 'trust me'. Its all backpeddling so she didn't appear motivated by finaces back when she first blocked contact as she admitted to a few people that was her reasoning (before she saw a solicitor, once a sol was involved she changed her tune as she was probably advised that wasn't good enough). To date I have held off mediation as I wanted to take her word for overnights happening 'soon'. Believe me the kids ask overtime and they want to stay, thats not the issue.

I am wondering if I really am getting no where with her this way and thinking maybe formally varying the order is the only way to go. I just want the kids time with me to be protected, and not dictated to me by stbx.

Don't get me wrong I am all for mediation..I just KNOW she isn't and feel it would be a wasted exercise.

She was told that if she had ANY concerns over the care of the children then she was to contact me with these, and was free to write to the judge regarding these (Judge was great I think he said this to drive home the seriousness of what she was doing) but nothing so far, not a peep.

Hmmmmm 'She' isn't ready ..........

I think she may need reminding that the contact is for the children and is the children's rights to spend time with the NRP.

If they want and have said they'd like overnights - its all down to her silly games.

You say overnights are about to happen this weekend - has she agreed to this or keeping you on an 'I'll see how I feel' string?

If her allegations haven't been proven or taken seriously by the courts, then there is no concrete reason why she should stop this.

See how this weekend goes and stay calm if she pulls the rug.

Take care

WR

Been agreed, via text.
So hopefully fingers crossed.

I have yet to comment on any of her 'she isn't readies' as I really and truly want to try and keep things steady until things progressed. She is also a massive control freak and is only happy when things go her way, always was and always will be that way. I tend to treat all communication with her quite formally and do not get personal whatsoever.
Looks as tho things are progressing with the divorce and finances well (which is of uttermost importance to her) so thats one thing less to worry about.

She is well and truly scared of going back to court tho and has said it directly to me she wants to keep everything out of court. But the reasons are because she has to relinquish control and things might NOT go her way.
Its hard I have to communicate with her in such a way that I cant ask for things that don't benefit her. I had to do that the whole marriage and I don't really want to have to be having contact with my kids on her terms for the next 10 or so years..youngest is 3.

I guess I can get solicitor to fire off a letter next week, confirming overnights and requesting moving forward with contact, and offer mediation to discuss. Its the only thing I can do at this point.. I guess the CSA stuff will just wok itself out and I am free to apply for a variation once they are over more.

Hi Eyes,

Fingers crossed all goes well and while things are smooth, I agree not to rock the boat, however I also know how walking on eggshells to keep her happy is also wrong.

Whilst you are both benefiting, its OK, however if she's calling the shots and becomes unreasonable, the court (which you said she fears because she will not get her own way) is the only place to go.

Whatcha got planned for the kids this weekend?

WR