At long last, a CSA assessment

TOYSTORY 3 of course!!

From what I've heard - you may need to take a hanky!

Looking forward to your film review next week!

WR

Hope its ok if I throw in my two pennies worth.

You should expect the csa assessment to be backdated to the date they first contacted you, am sure your doing this anyway but best to keep some evidence of anything your paying the ex in way of voluntary payments.

I think getting the additional contact has been a good achievement and its quite natural that you would want additional parenting time. However, without a contact order you do become more susceptible to leverage from the ex. The overnights will become an integral part of yours and your children lives, a huge emotional investment would have been made and even an apparently empty threat to stop overnights will have a huge impact.

It may be better strategy to seek a variation of the contact order now. Perhaps you could soften any backlash by inviting the ex to agree your proposals beforehand to allow an order by consent, a rubber stamp rather than a contested hearing. Obviously there are short term risks with the contact you already enjoy, but you would end the process with some security.

Zonked

I think I am thinking along the same lines as you.
I would like to maybe perhaps have my solicitor write her a letter, informing her of the intent to vary via the courts and outline what I am going to request, and that obviously if she in agreement it will simply be a rubber-stamping exercise.
She's been somewhat careful since she sought representation since the divorce not to appear antagonistic regarding the contact, which is a complete 360 to the things that came out of her mouth up to about 8 months post separation.
Luckily I have all them texts saved in the event any of her behaviours are questioned however I have never mentioned anything as I DO NOT want to mudsling with her. Its beneath me and quite frankly detrimental to the children as she gets VERY volatile if she feels she is being threatened, or portrayed in anything other than what she believes she is..which is apparently mother of the year coated in sugar with a cherry on top.
i was married to the woman for 13 years I know when to pick my battles, and its more a case of the way a proposal is presented and what SHE gets out of it rather than what is right or wrong.
If its worded in such a way that it gives HER to opportunity to appear in control and at HER wishes then it should all be systems go.

Dealing with difficult people is such fun. Unfortunately I see my middle child displaying behaviours that are all too familiar however he is her 'favourite' so not too surprised at that.
I guess thats what therapy is for.

Right, decided to sod the letter and write her a pretty nice text about increasing my time with the kids. no repsonse or not one that is at least a movement towards what I want and I am going to go straight into the application to vary the contact order.
Worst case the judge will bollock for not attempting mediation.
I dont want to drag this out any longer than it already has and i KNOW my ex.

Your earlier posts suggest that distancing yourself from the ex and presenting contact issues in a manner that she can accept without loosing face has been a successful way of defusing her power.

Sending a measured letter from a solicitor and presenting the court application as a mundane procedure to tie up loose ends seems to fit well into that strategy.

Sending a text message, especially about your parenting time, may be counter productive. It makes communication with your ex instant, personal and open to sudden and erratic twists and turns.

I also think that presenting the court application as retaliation or as a hostile reaction may turn the situation into a battle of wills that she feels she can't back down from without loosing face.

This is a very delicate time and I think your original plans seemed the right way to go.

Thanks zonked. In the space of the hour I have changed my mind. I think sometimes I getToo hopeful and think that we might be able to work together for the sake of the kids but the o ly way I got contact with all three kids regularly was because I took her to court in the first place. I would love it if we could have a good co parenting arrangement where she could ask me to watch the kids rather than get minders to do it or even give me the option. The older two have some schooling issues that I would also like to address but if I brought it up the answer would be"it's fine" and if I pushed it would turn into a row. I guess I am just going to have to accept that although I no longer have to deal with her as my wife this way, I still have to deal with her as their mum, why would her personality suddenly change??? Og plan back on and thanks for your input I really value your opinion.