Unbelievable - Again!!!! A rant sorry

Ok so divorced for 8 months split up for 2 years - ex was a controlling alcoholic for a large proportion of our 16 year marriage. Things have settled slightly apart from his new GF is winding the kids up on a regular basis saying things like 'I hate it when they (the children) are round they take over ' in front of our 3 children aged 13, 11, and 5.

I have never stopped him seeing children and pattern has settled to alternate sat nights (stay over) and 2 evenings for tea with him ( i collect after work) - i would be happier if they had a bit more quality time with him but he does not want it. CSA involved as he gets paid cash and takes great delight in paying or rather not paying 5 pound a week for our 3 children leaving me to pay for everything.

Bring me to the point of my rant - conversation last night - he rang as had heard on the grapevine (my brother) i needed work doing to my car - he was offering to fix brakes cheaply for me !! My reply no I will sort myself and if i got a decent amount of CM I would be able to do things like this for myself - to which is reply - no CM is your punishment for Divorcing me!! I then could feel my blood boiling so told him CSA had recommended to me I shop him to HMRC tax evasion line - end of conversation. (I havent but have thought about it why should i work 2 jobs fund his children, pay the marital debt and pay my share of tax while does none of these??)

He then rings back to tell me I am a female dog and he would not be having the children this week because of my attitude towards him.

How can the so called father of my children be so short sighted in his treatment of them - i just do not understand!!!! They are the ones missing out not me I am glad to be shot of him but they miss him and crave his attention

Sending loads of hugs - they may be virtual, but I so understand where you're coming from.

Best wishes

It's good to get it off your chest.

He is still in control if he can upset you like this.

I thought the CSA awarded 15% for the first child and then it incresed on a sliding scale for subsequent children. Why does he get away with paying so little?

The children will find him out in the end. This does not help you at the moment. I really feel for you it cant be easy with 3 youngsters to look after.

Take care

Poppy:lol:

Thanks for replying - i know this is the last bit of control he is hanging on to but its soo hard when i have to keep saying no to the kids and yet he is in the pub regularly etc.

Last week a letter for a school trip came home 300 pound for the eldest and then the middle one annonuces there is a residential for her next year at 200 pound and don't get me started on the cost of school uniform for 3!

He works for his mother and they fudge his wages so on paper he earns 100pound a week so pays the minimum of 5pound a week in total and gets the rest in cash - he even openly tells our children that is what happens!! I think he earns cash around 250 a week and gets a free house as the works on a farm and gets accomodation.

Oh well nothing will change so its onwards again I am allowed a blip once in a while.

Thanks again

you're going to have to explain to the kids that you don't have money for extras and to ask their dad xx

Hi! It made me want to rant reading about it and I wasn't married to the beggar.

It IS unbelievable and you know what? You really are 'in a better place now', away from him. The children will be independent soon enough and you'll be able to say you did your very best for them.

How on earth he can send £5.00 per week for them I don't know. His mother too is complicit in this awful deceit. OMG don't even think about it but I suppose she's brought him up that way.

As for the school trips, there are funds the school can access to help you. Don't be too proud to ask. Suggest you call to discuss possibilities as you don't want them to miss out if at all possible. It's a good idea the teachers know what's going on anyway as they can diffuse possible situations if they know the home circumstances.

You're doing a great job and I can see why his attitude upsets you.

Take care of yourself.

Mitchum xx

I've not been able to pay for the bigger trips with my lot, but have been able to pay in instalments for some (may be in the UK, but still costly).

It is a disgrace.

In my case, the father told the childen that he doesn't have to pay anything as he doesn't live with them...