Ex wants to reduce child maintenance

Hello everyone! I'll try and keep this brief!

I had a very civilised divorce four years ago, and my ex has since then paid £250 (increased to £275 this year) per month towards our child (who is now 5). He moved in with someone about 18 months ago. She's always wanted children, and is now pregnant. I get on well with her, and was initially very happy for them both, as we do have a very good relationship.

However, a few weeks ago he dropped on me that he "needs" to reduce CM for the period of his gf's maternity leave as she only gets statutory maternity pay. Fair enough, she was ill last year which meant they lost some income as she doesn't get sick pay, but that's not really my problem! I work part-time in a quite well-paid job, as I think my main job is looking after our daughter while she is still young, although I have taken some extra hours on til Xmas.

My point to him was that this new baby was planned, and they shouldn't have decided whether they could afford it on the basis of how much money he can take off our daughter. I currently either drop her off or pick her up from his house, costing me about £5 per week in petrol, while they have a car sat at home (he doesn't drive) which his gf admits she spends less in petrol for in a month than I do in a week! Including my TC and a small amount of HB, my monthly income is still about half of theirs, my gas, electric, water etc are no cheaper, rent's probably not much cheaper than their mortgage and, as stated, I spend £30 per week in petrol just to get to work and back!

I guess this isn't so much a question of legalities, as I know that if we had an agreement through the CSA he'd be paying less AND would be entitled to reduce it now. However, as we have no legal agreement in place, I wondered whether, if it came to going to court (which depending how much he wants to reduce it by, and whether he then puts it back up I would consider!) would they consider that he set a precedence four years ago?

I don't understand why you can base income for a new family on how much you can take off of your old family??? I currently have a reasonable lifestyle, although not as reasonable as his, but if he reduces it by as much as his gf wants him to, I would seriously struggle financially, and this would obviously affect our child.

The amount he pays is the amount he offered when we split (and he's had bonuses and pay rises since then), I would have been happy at the time for whatever amount the CSA calculator said, but as you can imagine, over four years you budget around what you get! I could probably ask for a few more hours at work (putting either petrol or childcare costs up), but why should I have to do extra hours to basically support his new child? Surely he should be getting a pub job or something??? LOL

I'm not sure whether anyone will have any advice, but any would be appreciated!

Sorry for not keeping it as brief as I hoped, LOL!!!

Have you checked the CSA calculator to see how much you are entitled to?

The courts have no jurisdiction for CM once a year has passed from the Consent Order, so unfortunately you are out of luck when it comes to that.

His new gf income certainly isnt on the table for CM purposes, however he has set a precedent which morally he should stick to. and if hes only met her 18 months ago surely his financial situation has improved not declined anyway??

I would say that perhaps he does the picking up and dropping off as a compromise (nothing wrong with the bus, my partner doesnt drive and collects 3 children that way when I am unable to go get them) and that he reduces it slowly, or perhaps he overpays while he can afford it now? allowing you to squirrel some away for when she is off.

There is always the possibility thatshe will not return to work or go back to the hours she was working, in which case if it does go via the CSA then they take their WTC credits into consideration as household income when they assess him.

carrie74 wrote:

Hello everyone! I'll try and keep this brief!

I had a very civilised divorce four years ago, and my ex has since then paid £250 (increased to £275 this year) per month towards our child (who is now 5)... I get on well with her, and was initially very happy for them both, as we do have a very good relationship.

However, a few weeks ago he dropped on me that he "needs" to reduce CM for the period of his gf's maternity leave as she only gets statutory maternity pay... My point to him was that this new baby was planned, and they shouldn't have decided whether they could afford it on the basis of how much money he can take off our daughter. ...

I guess this isn't so much a question of legalities, as I know that if we had an agreement through the CSA he'd be paying less AND would be entitled to reduce it now. ......but if he reduces it by as much as his gf wants him to, I would seriously struggle financially, and this would obviously affect our child.

I've basically taken out some pertinent points from your post above and just wanted to suggest something.

He obviously needs to reduce the amount paid as he has a new mouth to feed, if you bought in a new partner into your house then his cm wouldn't go down would it even though your household income had increased?

He could go to the csa and ask them to assess and then your hand is forced into the situation so ... It appears that he is only asking for a temporary reduction and if so how much? If it's not a lot it may be better off going with a new agreement in the short term for a temporary time rather than him going to the csa website or to them and asking for an assessment and then you have a permanantly reduced payment through the csa.

I realise that this situation sucks for the PWC but there are many quirks in the system and unfortunately its the one that we have.

i understand your point of view , i was in the same position, however i simply upped my hours ( and i have 3 kids) . it wasnt easy, in fact i am exhausted, but i took the reduction as an alternative to the csa getting involved ( and i work for them!). i knew that the csa amount would be less. sometimes you just have to accept what has happened. your child is being supported still, maybe not at previous rates, but believe me there are many kids out there get nothing, especially when daddy impregnates another female. take what he offers and get a few extra hours in. you will soon adjust.

Carrie, I haven't any experience of this but I can understand how you must feel being expected to subsidise his new family. It does seem wrong to me that he is saying he can't afford to continue paying at that rate because he is starting another family. What about the old one?? In an ideal world you could agree to accept lower payments until she was back at work but it all honesty would it be increased when the situation changed?

On the other hand it seems that you all have a good relationship which I would imagine is rare and that is something to be nurtured especially as your little one will have a half brother/sister and will be a very important person in his/her life. It does seem such a shame to rock the boat but by the same token you need to make your point.

I wish you luck and hope it works out well for you.

Be grateful for any £'s you get from your ex.
My ex claims not to work but has managed to get a mortgage for new gorgeous 6 bed house with the woman he "knocked up" 6 WEEKS (!!) after leaving us!
In court in 2008 his solicitor actually read out a statement from ex saying "my priority now is for my fiance and the child she is carrying"..even the judge was sitting with his mouth open!
My ex has never paid CM for the kids despite having a frivolous life...he has a very artistic (!) accountant and I pray that one day soon the CSA (who have been doing a criminal compliance case on him for 2 years) bite him on the backside!
Explain to your ex that you'd be willing for a slight drop for, say 6 months but then he must reinstate to original amount as by then his Mrs should be ok to go back to work!
LOu xx

Hi everyone

Thank you for your replies, and sorry I have not been on before!! Time flies!

He *has* dropped my maintenance by £75 per month (a bit of a shock when it went into the bank as he had not dared bring the matter up again!!), and unfortunately the timing sucks as I increased my hours slightly to compensate, meaning our daughter has to go to breakfast club (£5 per day), meaning I get extra WTC for it, meaning they contacted the housing benefit people, meaning they've stopped my HB til a review is completed!!!! Phew! So basically this month I'm £75 down from him, and £180 down so far from HB! (But I've already paid my rent in full...).

Oh well...

But thank you for making me feel like I'm not a monster for being annoyed about this situation, LOL!

He originally stated that this would only be for six months while she is on maternity leave (why she can't go back after three months if they're skint, like I did, I don't know...), so if it doesn't go back up in August/September, I'll definitely be stopping the picking up on a Sunday night!!

Thanks again everyone! And Lou, I hope the CSA gets your ex sorted out!!! My mum contacted them to try and get an increase from my dad when they first started up, but they never did anything because they couldn't find him, despite us visiting him every weekend and my mum offering to walk them to his doorstep (in the next street!), LOL!

xxx