child maintanance probs

would appreciate some advice from anyone who is now a single parent getting child maintanance,ill try not to waffle-
ex asked me if we could sort maintanance between us and not involve csa and i agreed to try and keep things amicable for sake of my girls,my solicitor worked out it shud be £360 a month,he is paying £200 a month bcoz he said he cant afford it,this month he paid it in a week late and lied and said it was bcoz of bank holiday,i tried to talk to him rationally and say he will need to pay more bcoz i am really starting to struggle now,he went mental and said he will have to sell the FMH(he stayed there)and wont do any schoolruns etc coz he wont have the petrol,he really upset me shouting at me like that i was an emotional wreck lastnite seeing in the new year with my girls and just dont need it,ive already been advised to go thru the csa by the lone parent adviser i saw at the jobcentre but i know if i do all hell will be let loose,but i cant manage much longer on what we are getting,i just dont know what to do.

Hello

Sorry you are having such a hard time, I know how it feels! My stbx cut the maintenance he was paying by half!! because I occasionally asked him for extra stuff such as helping out with school uniform therefore in his (warped) mind, I obviously wasn't spending HIS money properly on the kids!!!! This example I hope will show that you, like me, are having to deal with a bully, someone who doesn't behave in a rational way and who takes all their anger and guilt out on you. Be strong and don't let him bully you, your girls are entitled to that money, remember you are doing this for them. Hope this helps a bit, and happy (??!) new year to you and your girls xxx

thank you goldenbrown,
yes he is a bully and i was reminded of that when he started ranting at me,ive done everything his way so far even tho it was him having the affair,to be honest i wish i didnt have to depend on him for maintanance but until i can sort out some kind of work i have no choice,he needs to realise the money is not for me its for our girls,i really dont want to go down the csa route i hope it can get sorted.
I hope you have a better year too,im glad to see the back of the old one!

I faced a similar position with my ex, he would pay less than was agreed or nothing at all despite removing the bulk of our savings just to cover any shortfalls in maintenance payments(don't ask?) I decided that I needed a Third Party to help manage these issues rather than deal with the confrontation with him.
I applied to the CSA and they acted promptly, he was livid and caused a scene when I collected the children but I have never regretted my course of action as it has given him less control over us. Sadly people like this never see the impact of their actions as they are far too self absorbed - 3.5 years on and my ex continues to criticise my parenting, their clothes, their discipline, their diet and their bedtimes etc etc.

So I just don my teflon coat and smile

I would go through the CSA. He might not be happy about it, but it's the best way.
My ex said he would pay me £80 a month for our daughter, but he never actually paid me it. I took him to the CSA instead, and he now has to pay £76 a month. It's not as much as he was offering, but as he wasn't actually paying me anything, it's more than I was getting!
He has now decided though, that as he pays maintenance to me, he shouldn't have to buy her anything else. That means that for her birthday in July, and for this Christmas, he didn't buy her presents, or send her a card, as he believes all the presents that I bought, should have been from him too!
She is only 2, so at the minute doesn't understand that he didn't buy her anything, but she will understand when shes older!

Hi annoyedmommy,
i know i have to contact the csa,ive bee putting it off as silly me is still trying to keep things amicable plus i know how he will react when ive done it,at the end of the day these children are both of ours and we are both responsible for them,and thats what i will say when he has his hissy fit.
Bless your 2 year old yes she will notice when shes older thats so mean.

Hi Dibble and others who have posted here...it seems that our mindsets and wanting to do the 'amicable' thing are all a one way street. I've been desperate tonight to find someway of avoiding what I believe is inevitable and that is going back to the CSA.
My story is similar...2 yr old and for the second christmas/year running (we've been seperated since december 2009) ex has failed to contribute to our child. Earlier this year he changed his financial dealings to an offshore company and only divulged a basic wage. The CSA awarded £23pw. He earns £100k per annum. We then went to mediation and had 2 sessions-3rd in a few weeks time, Ex confirmed a committment to pay £350. I had one payment and absolutely nothing over christmas and now this month-nothing again. Financially things are very very difficult. But it seems to me that even with mediation I have now no other option left than go back to the CSA with any paperwork legally obtained through mediation proving his earnings or go to court and ask for their direction and assistance.
I'm tired of playing good guy and I'm tired of struggling. I alwasy told ex that I didnt want him supporting me but he has well and truly left me up the creek without a paddle. I want our child to have a life. I too find it sad that ex wouldnt contribute towards our childs christmas. It is quite heartbreaking.
So for all of you I wish you good luck. And I hope the struggle eases in 2011.
Lofx