child maintenance

They are 6,8,9.

Yes he will collect them and return them. Thing is having them half of half term including taking them to school at end of it

If it wasn't so tough on the children I would send them in their uniform!!

However for the children's sake I would send them in the clothes they are wearing and a clean set of school uniform.

It might be worth getting your solicitor to send a letter with the new arrangements regarding clothes etc in light of the recent amendment to contact order.

hey survive,

It's not daft and I know it's hard. But jamydee is right, this will continue until you stand up to him.

Let him say what he wishes to the kids, they are not stupid and probably know the truth anyway. And even if they don't today be assured that one day they WILL understand. Also in my experience, my nine year old comes home and is disturbed by what my stbx says, she doesn't believe it, she just thinks he is nasty for saying it.

Take heart, I know this must be an extremely difficult time for you but you WILL get through it and once you take the step to stand up to him, it gets easier.

Ok survive, it's time to bite the bullet here I think. Either you have to accept the £100 pcm loss or you have to say no to him. Saying no is only hard to do at first... I promise you it gets easier

I've read right through this thread and the situation you're in resonates for me. You know as well as I do that it's about money. It dosn't matter how you argue this or reason it out, if it's about him saving himself some money then you won't get anywhere at all. Don't rise to teh bait. If you want to keep the peace then take the loss. If you can't afford the loss then stand up to him. I was a mouse when I first divorced, I can't believe I got the words out to end it. I soon found my backbone, you need to when you have kids. Trust me, after telling him straight a time or two, it will get easier for you to do. Sure it may cause aggravation and further issues - but there is no easy way forward.

So decide what matters to you, stick to it and take it from there.

Thinking of you.

Shezi

I possibly have a slightly different view on this.....don't judge me.....
The CSA do reduce the amount of CM depending on how many nights the children stay with the NRP, BUT even with 50:50 care there will *still* be CM due. Now it could be argued that each parent is paying their own housing cost etc for them and the children and this will be about equal, so what is the CM for, clothes/school trips etc

What you do need to do though is establish if the 100.00 figure is fair

The CSA is a very weak system in that it takes no account for the income of the RP or the ability to pay by the NRP, its just a flat % and the reduction based on overnight stays is very devicive and drives bad behaviour regarding contact on the part of some RP and NRPs. Unfortunatly the system is the system and you can't argue with da man..

LB