Petitions to government

I've put this under child support, but really could be anywhere on this site.

You only have to read through this website to see the difficulties the law gives families.

I really think an effective Petition would be for a legal person knowledgeable in this area explaining the PM and deputy PM's (and their respectives wives at least) rights with reagrd to what would happen if they divorced, separated.

Have them explain what little PR actually means, etc, their financial burdens etc.

The government seem disinterested....this is on all sides, I don't think it is fair to either parent in some respects

I am in regular dialogue with my MP since the Government announced the maintenance reforms earlier this year. I wouldn't say he's disinterested or indeed, without empathy to my situation and the wider problem of child maintenance and the problems the CSA cause on both sides of the fence (we don't discuss PR, access etc). Indeed, the discussion is three way involving me writing to him, him writing to me to tell me I make a good point and he'll write to Maria Miller (MP in charge of reforms) and ask her to respond. She responds, he sends copy of her letter to me with his comments and it all starts again! He is a young MP, Conservative with a young family. He has told me that he spends 'too much' of his time dealing with child maintenance issues and as such, welcomes reform. I would never vote for him but to be fair, I do feel he has given me a very fair hearing and is doing his best to at least be seen to be both listening and acting - I have never had call to contact an MP before and I am genuinely impressed by his attitude. It is not what I expected.

The difficulty is making a system meet everyone's needs - it's never going to happen. It can only ever be 'one size fits all' but many of us fall way outside of that working for us and our children. The problem with making people understand separation and divorce is that you really can't begin to understand it unless you've been there - how many of us have wondered at our exs and their alien abductions? would you have believed your ex's behaviour possible prior to this happening? I certainly wouldn't (although more and more I realise I lived in cloud cuckoo land anyway!). The system relies on parents being sensible - most are, I suspect, sooner or later. Things settle down. It is only a minority of us that the system doesn't work for although the impact is enormous when that happens.

Hi Great Dad. Go for it! Why not?
But I hate to tell you, it's been tried before and has had absolutely no effect. The mistake you are making is to think that politicians are ignorant of the situation in the family justice system (they are not) and to imagine that if made aware they would change it (they would not).
The system is as it is because it suits politicians to be like that, and worldwide it employs millions.
Petitions have been handed in to Number 10 with tens of thousands of signatures, people have spoken to Cameron (and before that to Blair), and we have spoken to Maria Miller. Did it work? Of course not.
The only way the system will change is if parents stop using it.
In 2004 a father went to see Tony Blair and explained to him what would happen if he and Cherie were to separate:


I pushed him again on what he would do. Where would he stop as a decent dad? ‘Tony, imagine someone snatched Leo. Those police guys would be swarming about. Imagine that they couldn’t find him and someone said, “Just leave it Tony. He will come back when he is older.” What would you do? Would you give in? Imagine you thought he was next door in another house. Would you break that door down and risk upsetting the people inside and perhaps getting arrested. Would you do that as a decent dad? Of course you would.’ And he nodded.
I said, ‘Because you would do anything for your kids, even if it meant you sometimes overstepping the mark,’ and he said, ‘Yes, I would.’ I told him he was no different to me and I was no different to him.

Hi Forseti, thanks for a great reply to my thought. Do you have any references to this first contact with Tony Blair? Internet sources etc. Or any with David Cameron and Nick Clegg? This would only back up a case more. The world is crazy, it sometimes feels like I'm in Animal Farm, everyone is equal, although some are more equal than others.

Will I do this? I don't know, I think fake divorce papers filed on each side, going to the extreme of law on both sides would certainly give them food for thought I would say!

Mumtoboys, thanks to you too - very helpful. It is a real shame. I once remember Gordon Brown admitting the working tax credit system, together with CSA regulation actually mean a PWC would be comfortably better off financially than trying to save their family, but notably didn't suggest any alternative.

The first thing on maintenance should be it is means tested, it seems not to take into account the PWC's income or outgoing at all...so for instance a PWC millionaire can still claim 15% of the NRP's minimum wage and will definitely get it? Are these laws which make sense to anyone?

I admit presumably any system will be abused by all sides one way or another, but this is just one of many things in family law which makes no sense to me at least.

Don't get me started on the Children's Act.....

My partner and I also wrote a letter to our local MP regarding such issues. Initially our main complaint was that my partner had submitted two payslips to the CSA last August to have his payments recalculated, however never heard anything back so he assumed that his salary had not altered enough to make a difference to the monthly CSA payments. Then in January this year out of the blue he receives a letter from the CSA telling him that he had 6 months arrears backdated and they wanted him to pay it immediately!

This lead us to write a letter to our local MP just to make him aware of such problems however whilst on the subject we felt it necessary to raise other problems that my partner has experienced regarding CSA legislation, not just from a NRP point of view but PWC's too.

Like Mum to Boys our MP forwarded the letter on to the Parliament of Resolution asking for our points to be commented on. He then forwarded the response onto us with his view on the matter. He admitted that we would not find the contents of the response satisfactory and showed empathy for people in my partners position. He assured us that things were being looked into and told us to make use of the complaints proceedure that was being offered to us so we did. However, both letters from the CSA were patronising and didn't answer any of the queries we raised. Their answer to everything was "it's legislation", "it's set out in the legislation" it was so frustrating!

We explained to the MP that we didn't expect our letter to suddenly shake up the CSA system however, the more people that make light of problems they face on similar matters, the more likely they are to review these matters, hopefully imminently.

I think it is a minority of PWC who are better off/comfortable financially than they are living with a partner where children are involved. Pounds in the pocket do not necessarily mean that life is easier or better for a PWC. I also think that assuming people don't want to work at their marriages because they're OK financially isn't a particularly sound assumption and ignores the fact that both sides struggle at so many levels when a marraige breaksdown. However, I think it's easy for the person who didn't want it to end to assume the other person is doing OK. Even my ex, who never looked back, has on occassion said something that has made me realise the whole separation and divorce thing has affected him very deeply, just not in the same way it affected me.

All that said, the problem lies with developing Law, social policy etc. which fits every eventuality and ensures we all get what we want. Logically, not everyone is going to find the system works for them when they come to use it. You can get a thousand signatures which show how shocking marriage breakdown can be. But you can get a counter Petition with a further thousand signatures which show it's all worked out just fine, thanks.

That doesn't mean I don't think you should put something together which explains to policticans and policy makers just how things have worked out for you. That's exactly what I'm doing by writing to my MP. The beauty of living in a free, demoractic society is the fact that we can voice our opinions, expect to have them heard and, if they gather enough momentum, have them acted upon. The Law does, and has, changed as a result of indivdiual experience. Never say never (but dont' hold your breath!)