is there a general rule?

Hey Every1

I am the RP for my children. Ex has 1 overnight stay each week dependent on work - some weeks this may be none. Previous contact included 2 overnight stays every other weekend - I stopped providing clothes when they went to stay with him has they would never come back and would most times end up lost! This at that point was not a problem. However, new partner & not getting what he wanted in court has left my ex being awkward at every opportunity. This week he has asked for me to provide clothes for his overnight stays because as he says he pays child support.

Whats the general rule - is this the norm for the resident parent to send clothes for non residents parents contact? Any advice appreciated.....

xx

It varies. I do, but then my children don't go often and anyway are teenagers. I don't personally think it's a big deal if we're only talking weekends or single nights in the week, as long as the clothes come back again. However, there are a lot of RPs here who have found that they send clothes and never see them again...

Maybe try sending clothes again and see what happens. If they don't come back, stop, and tell him why.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Good idea sadie - thanks for the advice - i'll give it one more go.....

xx

Hi
Taking this to its logical conclusion they handover for contact would be conducted with the children being stripped naked. Now I can see your ex's point here but I can see your's too. As the RP and in reciept of CM its not unreasonable for you to pay for the majority of the children's clothes, but there is also a reasonable expectation that they will be returned at the end of contact.
I think that setting an expectation up front, "Ok, I'll send them with clothes, but this is what they are coming with and I expect them all back" would be a good idea

LB

well taking it to an equally logical conclusion some at least of the clothes must be coming back or they'd be coming back naked. It is surely no bad thing for the nrp to have some spare clothes for emergencies and it's not the end of the world if things go astray.

I think the usual is for them to go with some spare clothes in an overnight bag.

When mine were young I always made sure there was some spare stuff in case of accidents, just some cheap t shirts and jeans that sort of thing.

Don't fall into the trap of tit for tat and stoop to his level. My ex used to send the kids when very young in "special" clothes that were just for going to Daddys. "Special" meant outgrown rags that were embarrasing to see and they couldn't change out of quickly enough when they got to my house.

It's nice for children to take their clothes in a little rucksack for visits to the NRP. Unfortunately my ex and his wife would not allow anything from my house into theirs.
When contact was happening my ex would collect the children from school and they would be returned to me on a Sunday in dirty school uniforms! They'd wear clothes my ex had bought over the weekend.
The kids said they didnt like it so I started sending a "coming home" bag with jeans and t-shirts etc in (and clean underwear).
My ex has played head games by "forgetting" coats etc but I think you need to rise above it.
If you go to Primark you can get jeans for £2.50 and T-shirts for £1...stock up on these to send and then not a lot is lost if / when they dont come back.
If a new partner is involved your ex probably wants you to argue back so he can make you out to be horrible (they have to let the new partner think you're vile) and so if you dont react to missing clothes it'll show you in a good light and infuriate him. He wont be able to say to her "can you believe shes arguing over a pair of jeans?"...we all know the reality that dressing kids isnt cheap but this should ease up your need to chase after missing items.