is there a general rule?

I got so frustrated with all the clothes going missing and packing "good" clothes for parties that they were going to etc and the clothes never coming back. The worst was one weekend he brought the boys back three times- once to get "wellies",then later raincoats and the next day extra pair of jeans for one son. (sneaking suspision he was checking up on what i was doing but it was friggin annoying!) So the next weekend when they were with their dad I went through all their clothes here and just took out a selection of clothes, pjamas,etc for each child and gave them to stbx to keep at his house and just requested that the school clothes they go in on a friday come back on the sunday. Now I wish I had done it sooner- the kids have some choice what they choose to wear now at his and although they dont have a lot of clothes here we havent really noticed! (the drawers are now easier to keep tidy and i dont have mountains of laundry when they return home!)
Stbx bought them extra supplies of socks and pants and so far no stress!

Hi,

Mine are sent in the outfit they are wearing , he changes them when they get there and then returned in the same outfit i sent them in.

I had the problem of missing clothes and them going through a pack of nappies in a weekend, so i supply nothing for his house at all now, he has supply everything they need inclusing nappies, etc for the youngest who is only 11 months old.

But my situation is slightly different as he pays NO CM at all atm but when he paid CM (for a whole total of 4 months) i still expected him to supply the required clothes etc for his house as that is why deductions are made from his money for the amount of overnight stays for him to provide for the children's living costs while they are there. My solicator also told me it was his resposibilty to provide everything while the children are in his care regardless if he paid cm or not

lilacroses

Mmm difficult one this. No hard and fast rules. My scenario is this:

My stbx used to pack bags of clothes for my girls when they came for the weekend , then suddenly one Fiday when I went to collect them told me that the girls wouldnt be bringing any clothes to mine from now on.I would have to buy them. So the first thing I had to do was go straight out with them shopping and buy Knickers , socks and some clothes for that weekend. Over the next few months I gradually brought more and now have a little supply of mostly everything eg pj's , dressing gowns, swimming costumes, trainers. Initially I was more than a little miffed as I still pay full mortgage on FMH plus my own rent and bills, which leaves me little for myself. This extra expense was not what I needed at that time and still find it difficult when I have to buy more.

Now when I collect them for the weekend , the girls are still in school uniform. They change at mine and wear the clothes from my house home when I drop them. The stbx then bags these up UNWASHED and gives them back to me on my next visit. Must admit that bit grates still as I feel she could at least wash the girls underwear. She also insists I give any clothes left around mine back unwashed even when I have offered to wash them for her. Doesnt take much to stick them in the machine does it when you are putting on a load?

My partners ex sends clothes to ours for the weekend. We do have clothes here for them too, incase of emergences. However, we have had complaints from her when stuff hasn't gone back, because I kept it to wash... (one child wets the bed, I'm not that cruel to send back urine soaked pyjamas) A lot of our stuff has gone missing there if they've gone back in it. Its very difficult , and I think in some ways the having some clothes for dads and some for mums is probably the better idea. That way no petty arguments start about clothes and such

Hi,
for over ayear I used to pack everything for our children, including putting all their 'club and activity' clothes on separate bags for ease of use. Even when they went for a week or more holiday.

Their uniform would come back washed but nothing else. Then stbx brought own pyjamas and swimm stuff. all extra clubs and uniforms and clothes I continued to pack and unpack.

However stbx then took children away for four/five days and gave me the whole bag of washing (there are 3 children). I did say he could hang on to this and bring it back when it was washed and ironed, but funnily enough he declined. So he had the pleasure of taking them away ( a trip that I was supposed to be on) and I had the pleasure of the washing afterwards!!!!

Since then we have been to court for a defined contact order, after whcih, now he has the order in writing, he instantly reduced the CM by £100 per month. Saying that this was due to all the extra expenses of feeding and clothing the children!!! He was feeding them anyway when they were with him, and there is no way that 6 extra nights a month equates to £ 100 per month clothes bill.

So , other than their school uniform and all their club and activity clothes and coats and shoes. I now pack no clothes. He has gone and brought them a lot of clothes. This at least saves the packing/unpacking washing and ironing.

I think a lot of this also depends on the relationship between you and your ex - we are very hostile.

Survive
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Some of you might find this post of interest.

Ruby,

As ever, many wise words written and spoken

Survive
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