Extra time with kids

Firstly i am in no way complaining of extra time with my two girls (8 and 6), there is just a small matter of having a very limited income.

I reckon my ex must be seeing a new man, that isn't really important to the issue, it would just explain why i am being asked to take them for extra weekends, including this week, a weekday. The alternate weekend access has been a long-standing setup and there has to be a good reason for ex to suggest a greater allowance.

I have mobility issues and am currently in receipt of ESA at £91pw. This money is awarded at the rate for a single person, and is not exactly a great deal of money for unseen expenses and many extras miles of driving.

I am fully aware that my ex, as PWC, has no legal obligation to give me a contribution but all the same i think a small amount as a gesture of goodwill would be appropriate.

I arrive at this conclusion, based on the fact that she decided to move from locally to 40 miles away and the fact that i am agreeing to "help her out" with additional childcare at the drop of a hat.

I have no intention to ask again, i simply outlined my position, explaining that i have to budget very carefully, i only buy the exact amount of food for myself, i of course increase this amount every fortnight when my girls are with me but i really will have to sacrifice my own spending to feed and transport them for three weekends, plus one weekday, all in a row.

I have asked ex once before last year but she was not terribly interested in my concerns, (i would like to see her lose a week or so of Child Tax Credit and Child Benefit), deeming me to be exaggerating my predicament.

It would be helpful to me if members who have been in a similar position, could take a few minutes to post of their experiences.

All the best
Chris

Phew! Caught this post just in time, it nearly fell off the end of the board.

Chris hello!

I am no expert in the answer to your current dilema but it may be worth a call to your local Benefits Advice, see if they can re-look at your situation.

I would suggest that you keep a diary of all the additional help you are giving your X, although I know you will be doing this willingly just to see your girls. But I do think it would be an idea to at least take note for the next month and see if it turns out to be a regular pattern.

Anyway, maybe Fiona or rubytuesday may have a better insight to what you may be entitled to, so good luck and I am delighted for you that you are seeing more of your little ones as I know just how much that means to you.

I hope someone can offer the finacial guidance you need.

Take care

FoS

Thankyou FOS, i appreciate you taking the time to reply.

As you rightly alluded to, i would give every penny to my girls of course but my ex wife gets CTC and CB for a reason, not as going out money.

I know she has no legal obligation to give up anything to me but if i was in her position, i am sure i would realise that even on a very small income, i am doing all the driving about (80 miles round trip). I don't need to tell any of you the cost of fuel! I would appreciate any help she offered, even just a fiver for petrol every so often.

Chris

Firstly, are you getting all the benefits you are entitled to? I would have thought you would be entitled to DLA - which could mean a disabled award being added to your ESA. Its worth checking out?

Re your ex - I agree with FoS's suggestion of keeping a diary of each and every time you have the girls that is "extra" - and the expense incurred. While I understand that you are willing to have any extra time with your daughters, sometimes you might need to play hard-ball and state that you simply cant afford the petrol and extra food for the girls that particular week, otherwise you would be more than happy to have them. It does sound to me like you are being utilised as a "baby-sitting" service, when the mood takes her, without a thought as to if you can afford the added expenditure.

I personally don't think it unreasonable that she helps out financially when she asks you to have your daughters for these "extra" times - by doing this, you are facilitating her social life and absorbing the extra cost. But I guess, that you would much rather the girls were with you, than someone else.

Rock and a hard place spring to mind

Thanks for the reply Ruby, i really appreciate your input.

I didn't include my DLA in my original post because that money pays for my Motability car, and the small remainder goes on a cleaner and various health products.

I have since spoken to the ex and she said she will give me a contribution towards the extra petrol and food, she didn't specify the amount but i am just happy she understands my position, i will be happy with any amount.

I don't expect to be quids in here, if i was still married with a mortgage and bills to pay, i would probably be struggling anyway!

I am picking my girls up after school tomorrow, i am getting a belated parents evening with both teachers after classes too, i called the school to moan about not being kept informed.

I don't know whether to drive the 40 miles home after i drop them at school on Friday morning, being the middle of nowhere and the fact i will have to pick them up again, perhaps i will have to sit in the car until half three with a book, flask and sandwiches. (with convenient bushes nearby!)

All the best
Chris