School fees

Shared Residence Order, child currently resides with me 1-3 nights a week, next hearing in the Children's Act matter at end of this year to dicsuss further increases.

I e-mailed ex to initiate discussions on which school next year. She is claiming poverty. She says either me or my mum pay all private school fees or she intends to send child to an awful single faith school which is convenient for her mum to do pick ups and drop offs.

This is the ex playing games - She earns more than me, and her half of school fees would be roughly the same as what she has been paying in pre-school fees.

At Ancilliary Relief this year the ex wanted me to pay half of pre-school fees and school fees. I refused on basis that she made the request 5 minutes before we went before the DJ, i.e. I had no time to consider. I subsequently offered to pay what I could afford on the pre-school fees. She thought my offer derisory and rejected it, I think this is part of the reason why she is being silly now - Getting her own back.

Child doing very well at pre-school. Applications for reception class entry are due in next few months. All State Schools in mother's area suffer from large number of pupils not being able to speak English.

How do I progress this? What happens at a Court Hearing on school fees? The ex lied her way through the AR and I eventually gave up. I am terrified that she will do the same again.

Also she will not tell me where she has moved to in the last couple of weeks, which means I don' knwo which catchment areas our child lives in. This makes it diffcult for me to pick schools.

I don't think it's reasonable for you to insist that your child goes to a fee-paying school if you aren't even prepared to pay half the fees. School fees are an enormous cost to parents who pay them, and can stop them paying for other things for the children. Maybe your ex would prefer to spend the money on a better standard of living for your child, to save for university, or to provide a good range of things like music lessons. If she is the one paying, then that is her choice.

It isn't necessarily a big problem if lots of children in a school don't have English as their first language. They usually have extra staff to deal with this, and most children learn English pretty fast once they are in school.

You do have a right to input about where your child goes to school, but I don't think it's feasible to insist on private education. I don't think it would be unreasonable, though, to ask your ex which schools' catchment areas she lives in.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Hi Sadie

In paragraph 3 of my original post I did refer to her half of the school fees. Sorry for not making explicit: I have offered to pay half of the school fees.

So, given what you wrote, is it reasonable for her to refuse to pay half the fees? Yes, she could argue standard of living is more important, but she earns 2x more than me, gets CSA support from me, and got 80% of the finances from the divorce.

She can sill afford to buy a house if she pays half the school fees. I will have to live with my parents for the forseeable future.

Would the Court care about any of this?

MMS

My children went to a primary school where something like half the children came from non English speaking households. Those children who had good language skills learned English rapidly. There was one who didn't - but she had problems communicating in her family's language too. And the non-English speaking cildren almost all came from families with high aspirations. Don't get too hung up on fee paying schools being better than state ones, it ain't necessarily so.

I think it's reasonable to offer to pay half. However, I agree with Pixy that the issue of home language is nothing like as big as you think it is. As Pixy says, most of the children who don't speak English at home come from families with high aspirations. Many parents are likely to be refugees who are highly educated in their own countries and will value education here. I wouldn't bother with private schooling at primary level, even if I could afford it.

Best wishes,
Sadie

have you had a look at the Ofstead report of this 'awful' school she's threatening? I have personally found little difference between reports of 'outstanding' schools and 'satisfactory' schools. All have plus and minus points and what works for one child won't necessarily work for another. Having a good look round the school and having a chat with teachers would probably alleviate any fears - there are probably parents evenings/mornings going on this term if you give the school a call.

I can't say whether or not a court would force you to pay fees but I can say with some certainty that there is no way a court will order your mum pays your son's school fees. My ex tried that one for the mortgage on the martial home - judge was not amused, I can tell you!

Hi

Thanks for your responses. I viewed the Ofsted reports last night.

There are no "outstanding" schools in my area, be it state or private. It is a question of finding a "good" school which fits my son's stage of development.

The faith school is Hindu-faith with 20% of places reserved for non-Hindus. However, these non-Hindu places are generally released to Hindu children as there is little non-Hindu interest in the school. The school opened in 2008 and the 2009 Ofsted report rated the school as "good". However, the report highlighted that for the younger age groups the more able pupils were neglected and not challenged, as there was a lot of focus in the first two years on getting the other kids to learn English. There is an action plan in place to address this but Ofsted do not inspect again until 2013.

My son has been reading in English since the age of 3 and is thriving in a multi-cultural private nursery. So, from the (out-of-date) Ofsted report it seems that the school is not suitable for him as he will be one of the more able pupils and thus neglected. I am concerned that he will lose what he has learnt.

I describe the school itself as “awful” as I strongly believe in exposure to all communities at an early age. There is a lot of recail tension in my howm town, and this is not being helped by new Sikh, Hindu and Islamic schools. In the case of this Hindu school, the only provision they make for meeting non-Hindus is that a Church of England school visits them twice a year for sports. Also, my son would be required to attend school every Sunday so that he can be given religious instruction. I went to the Sunday School that was a forerunner to this faith school, and a lot of the time was spent trying to get the kids to conform to the faith.

I have been trying to make an appointment with the faith school since yesterday, as I am trying to keep an open mind, but so far not getting much joy.

There are five other state primary schools closer to my son. Unfortunately, Ofsted is failing three of them and the other two have the same problems as the faith school re able children not being challenged, and also they also have poorer discipline than the faith school.

That leaves the two private schools. Both rated as good by Ofsted, like the faith school, and the reports highlight good discipline and good challenging of able children.

I personally do not want to go the private route but those seem the best fit for my son.

Regarding the fees – If the Court will not order the mother to pay half when she has herself said she would prefer a private school then that is plain wrong.

MMS