How do I prove the living costs of my son

Just come home from what was meant to be an FDR hearing. More confused than ever now.

My son, who is 17 and autistic, is planning to go to University although it will have to be a local one as he is not able to fend for himself in a Uni atmosphere away from home. I asked the Court, on my 'proposal' info, to allocate a a portion of a £100,000 inheritance I had received in 2000 ( but was now swept up in 'marital assets )as a way of supporting my son through University.

I thought the Court made such allocations and decisions on how much and for how long.

To my horror the Judge would not let anything go any further because I was unable to put a figure on what I wanted. I just did not go prepared for putting a price on this. I just thought the Judge would do that.

Can anybody out there give me a clue as to how much I should be asking for?? And how should this calculation be brought about.

My ex has paid no child support sinse the begining of this year and is now over £2000 in debt to me.

I am just exhausted by all this. We have been to Court 5 times now. The ex is missing so much in the way of documents and paperwork I just don't know why the Judge is not demanding the missing stuff. How can a calculation of division of assets be made if 1/2 the information is missing ???

Does anybody out there have a clue as to how I do this calculation for my son's upkeep for the next few year ???s

Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllpppppppppp !!!!!!!!!

inastate

Most universities on their websites have a page about students finances and local living costs. You may be able to find something helpful there ... they usually explain what local rents are and how much students should budget for food, books etc. I would have thought this would be a useful start point as it would be reasonable to assume that even if he stays at home, the costs would be similar. You could add to this any transport costs for travel to lectures and any costs that may be specific to his learning needs.

Depending on whether he will in future be able to work and earn at a reasonable level (and therefore pay back any student loans for tuition fees), you may also want to add in the costs of tuition fees etc. Again the presumption here would be that if you had not divorced, you and your ex would be assisting with fees?

It may also be worth checking if, based on your income alone, he would be eligible for any support towards tuition fees.

You can set all this out in a spreadsheet so it is easier for any element to be discounted if the judge feels it should not be included.

Hadenoughnow

Thankyou for that. I have so many factors to my case and this is just 'yet another wall' I am trying to get over. My brian was so frazzled after the Court hearing yesterday that I couldn't see the wood for the trees, but your answer has helped because it's sort of 'put me on the right road' ....a road I simply couldn't see yesterday. If marriage was as difficult to get into as it is to get out of, none of us would have gone down 'that' road either !!!!

Thankyou again.

inastate

Look up the university that your son will likely attend and they will have a page on the website that gives approximate costs for rents, fees etc. I know he will be living with you but it will give you an idea of how much he would pay if he lived away and thus how much it will cost you to have him at home.

On a side note, if you don't mind, please will you let me know how you get on as I will be in your situation in a few years with my child and am currently trying to get my stbx to commit to helping with her costs.

Thanks

GMS

Thankyou for that. I am 'up to my eyes' in all this and have to submit to the Court before the 16th January an estimation of these costs...which the Judge yesterday said had to come from my son's doctor. I'm sure the doctor has better things to do but no doubt I have to rope him in as well now, not that he will have a clue on this either. I now plan to use a sort of combined calculation from the docotor and the Uni site as well. Goodness knows if the Judge will accept it. I can see the final hearing is not going to be until February at this rate...and presumably that's only if the ex gets all the correct paperwork in place. Without it I assume there will be another delay.

I will let you know, when I know something. Is your daughter autistic too...or just going to be reaching Uni age ??

Hi...yes you are in a similar boat arn't you? My ex actually sat in Court on Monday and said to the Judge " My son 'was' autisitc, but my ex wife wraps him in cotton wool so that she can say he has problems when he doesn't" I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time! I grabbed my large file of all the hospital letters from when he was 3 and diagnosed autistic...and then 3 attempts to give it to the Judge failed. He ignored it. And yet we had the last Hospital check up only last month so there was an up to date assessment letter of his progress. I even asked to read out a list of my son's problems...and the Judge stopped me at number 2 ( he didn't know I had 13 more to go). All the Judge would say was he wanted evidence from the medical profession over what cost would be entailed in supporting him through Uni. I went to the Doctor tonight and apologised for wasting his time. He said his son is at the Uni my son will possibly go to so he kindly said he would try to put together some sort of costing for me. He also thought the Judge was mad !!!! My inheritance is all in bricks and mortar...this house... and with hind sight I wish I had hidden it away, then finances would not be so important, but I didn't, and they are, if you see what I mean.

My ex also thinks that because my son will be living at home that, that means he costs nothing to clothe, feed and water.

I have no solicitor, and cannot get one penny in help from anywhere as they say my 'assets are too high'. This has left me with no help professionally and feeling very inadequate sometimes in this world of old fashioned form filling and Court procedures, and it seems as if nobody actually checks for the receipt of the info asked for, because my ex is missing 21 pieces of paperwork so far and the Judge makes no comment about it at all.

I'll let you know as time goes on what happens. Does your ex pay Child Support ??? Mine doesn't and the CSA say they are currently dealing with 'non-paying men' cases dated back to April !!!! What a system !!!

Are we allowed to pass on e-mail addresses here as it would be easier to keep communication going and compare notes regarding our children, and the situation as such, if we could ?? Bye for now.

inastate wrote:

Are we allowed to pass on e-mail addresses here as it would be easier to keep communication going and compare notes regarding our children, and the situation as such, if we could ?? Bye for now.

You can always use the private messaging on wiki to communicate with the OP.

Please don't post your private e-mail address on the forum for privacy & personnel safety reasons as this is open & public area to non-members also

Wishing you both good luck for your futures

Regards

JE