So, before separating my son (almost 5) was attending a nursery of a private school with the view (and agreement of stbx) that he would be continuing on throughout this school.
When we separated I asked stbx if he would be willing to split the cost of the first year of his school (he starts compulsory school in September). After this school year we will have worked out financially whats what and if we could afford to continue his education here.
However, in April (whilst I was on holiday with our son) he went behind my back, got details of a (state) school (the first one he found, not one he researched and chose accordingly), filled out paperwork, and then even signed an acceptance form for him to start there in September.
Naturally, as his mother and primary carer I was absolutely furious when I found out (he didn’t tell me, I happened to pick up a message on our home phone about it). I wouldn’t even have enrolled our son into a school without running it past his father as he has a say in it too.
Anyway, now his solicitor is involved he has changed his story that there was never any intention for our son to continue private education blah blah blah and wants our son to start this other school come Sept.
I have given the following reasons as to why I want him (for at least the next year) to remain at his current school.
1.Whilst absolutely everything else in his life is changing (mummy and daddy not talking/ no longer together as a couple, selling our
FMH, moving into a new house when FMH sells, Daddy then having a new house too, new arrangements etc) his school is the one and only thing I can keep consistent in his life right now. If I can offer some stability somewhere I want to do that, he has been at this nursery for almost 2 years and knows it inside out.
2. Until we have done financial arrangement I don’t know how much money I will have and where I will live (even which town as may need to move closer to my family). I don’t want to change him into a new school now and then in 6 months time when (hopefully FMH sold and buy new house) end up having to change schools yet again as we live no where near the school he’s at.
3. If for now we can afford to (which we both can) from an educational point of view I believe he would benefit as his class size is 8. This is with a teacher and assistant. I think the one to one attention he will receive in the year he is learning to read and write can only be a good thing?
4. It is all going to be very rushed if we change now, son never been to this other school
5. Our county is currently swapping from a 3 tier school system to a 2 tier system. I would like to understand what school they are planning to combine with. Would his primary be expanding to have upper years (doubt it as in middle of town and no room) so therefore in next year or so they would swap to a bigger school which has extended for younger children. I also would want to understand more about which schools these were too. Currently i havent looked into this as at his school this wasnt an issue.
At the moment I plan to fund this with my money, as stbx paying all house bills (still living in FMH together) so I will pay school fees. After financial agreement if stbx refuses to contribute my plan was to fund this mainly through CM and SM payments from him, but as the school fees rise each year I would probably only be able to do this for 3-5 years max (assuming SM would be payable for this period). I have said I will drop SM if he instead agrees to paying % of school fees direct to school
His solicitor is now suggesting we have
mediation as a matter of urgency before September.
I need to know if the reason for this urgency is perhaps his solicitor has advised that whilst he has refused to sign the acceptance form for the private school for this year, that once he starts here stbx will find it more difficult to get out of contributing come financial arrangements?
Also if it goes to court (his solicitor threatening court if I wont do mediation) how they will view this?
I am trying to do what I think is best for my child emotionally, mentally and educationally. I am very very sad that my stbx cant think beyond his wallet (which btw he earns 5x my salary).
Any suggestions of how to handle this very greatfully received!
Miss x
PS can I also point out that i have absolutely nothing against state schools (i was educated this way) and our local schools are mainly quite good, but naturally i just want whats best for my son.