Court threats over private schooling

I had similar - my eldest had just started in a private school when my ex walked out. He refused to pay any fees and also refused to give the school notice so we both ended up with a CCJ for non payment of ''notice fees'' so do watch out for that in any contract. My ex went as far as getting a Prohibitive Steps Order to stop me from taking our son out of the private school he wouldn''t pay for and which I couldn''t afford alone (couldn''t afford the mortgage let alone school fees) and it was actually granted which looking back on it beggars belief but that''s what happened!

So...we did reception year in a private school...we did year one in the local state school and then I moved so we did year two in a different state school (and are still there at the end of year three). I think it fair to say that he coped well - on top of everything else that was going on - but that he hasn''t done well academically. However, he also is dyslexic and dyspraxic which probably accounts for that as much as moving about.

I would personally keep him out of the private school if he''s going to have to come out of it anyway - I found the private school very different to the state schools (which are similar, in very different areas) and I think that move was the hardest for him (there were less people nursery to 6th form than there were in the first three years of the state school!). I also think that even if you agreed he would go to private school, you will probably struggle to get a judge to order payment of fees, regardless of what your ex earns, if he is reluctant because he''s so young and can adapt - it''s not like he''s in year 10 and needs to finish his exams. Others may have a different opinion or experience of that, however. If it turns out in a year''s time that you can actually afford to send him, you can always put him back into the private system.

I don''t think the continuity of nursery to school is one that will particularly wash with a judge - plenty of children go to private day nurseries and then on to school rather than school nurseries and not all schools offer the nursery facility anyway. Worth saying my eldest went from a charitable preschool to private school so that was yet another change for him.

Sorry if that''s clear as mud. It is one thing that really upset me with the separation - he didn''t need to go into the private school and it wasn''t something I pushed for but the ex assured me we could afford it. If I''d known he was in the process of setting up home with another woman...!

Probably best to bite the bullet now and put the kid to state school.
If you can''t afford the fees on your own.
You clearly ain''t going to get any money out of your stbx.
all the best
HRH xx

Hello again misguided,
In answer to your question, no, we didn''t move house (although that was the plan, I did actually sell the house but pulled out 2 weeks before as I couldn''t go through with it). However something far more traumatic happened to my daughter in that her little brother died. He was 11 months and died when she was in nursery, aged 4. This was 9 months after her dad walked out.
Once this happened, my sole concern was my daughter''s happiness. She had become very close to her brother during his short life, even though he was always very ill. Making my daughter socially content is now my only objective. Starting a new school in reception was difficult for about a week as she didn''t know the other children but now they are all firm friends. It is only an infant school so now, aged 7, she is starting another new school in September but it is the local (and not that well thought of) school where all her friends are going.
I have been lucky as she is also a smart cookie and she has completely soaked up her school and aced her KS1 sats. I also think that the flexible contact I have kept with her dad has helped her to become a happy child.
HA

Class sizes of 8 are not necessarily an advantage. Private schools have less, and often old resources.

State school reception classes can have up to 30 children. With an emphasis on social and emotional skills and self-initiated learning, these skills are more readily developed within a rich environment. 30 children, usually with diverse backgrounds and abilities, provide a great learning opportunity. Imagine the buzz and hubbub of such a class compared to 8 children alongside a teacher and an assistant...not so stimulating or enriching for 4/5 year olds.

jaw

Agree with hawaythelads. Put your children into state education - your ex is not going to pay.

Why saddle yourself with unnecessary debt when you can give your children a much rounded education and a path into the real world as well as a good education within the state system.

Give your children a "fair chance at a kick at the ball" cos your ex clearly isn''t.

Be the best parent that you can.

Good luck and best wishes.

LOM