CSA3.... Paying even more!

Hidefromexwife, did you want to start a proper debate on the CSA, or just rant about how unfair you think the system is?

You have completely dismissed the fact that it is not just fathers or non-resident parents who have had negative experiences of the CSA, instead you remain completely polarised by your own situation. You have made this a gender issue, when it isn''t.

I''m happy to allow a proper debate on the CSA, but currently this thread serves little purpose, if the thread (ie the OP) continues posting in the same way I will have little alternative but to lock the thread.

I think the OP''s real problem is that he can''t separate out his anger at his wife''s behaviour from his beef about CSA. It''s mixing emotion and logic into a potent and nasty cocktail.

Anger and bitterness about our adulterous spouses is something we have all felt and is entirely understandable. I hope none of it gets transmitted to the children.

I agree with Pixy. The irony is that here on Wikivorce the OP will find a large community of people who have great sympathy with his position. I agree with much that he says, just not with the way he says it. Picking a fight with people on your own side, who can offer constructive advice and sympathetic support is not wise.

One of the other things I have seen on WV is how some people arrive here full of anger, but gradually mellow over their time here, particularly as they start to see things from others'' perspectives.

When I joined WV I was living on my own, with no hope of seeing my son again. I had been paying CS though I had just had a full refund. I was angry and bitter. A few years later I am reunited with my son and I have a wonderful wife and two tremendous step daughters.

I can still see the faults in the system and still campaign to see the system reformed, but I can do so with focus and clarity rather than a mindless desire to see every lawyer and politician hung from the nearest lamppost.

I think the CSA, like everything, will always be seen differently depending on your personal situation.

At the end of the day, it takes two to make the child, and the minute that happens you have a responsibility to support that person. I agree life changes and things happen, but the responsibility does not.

I am sure there are people who would give anything to support their child but circumstances mean they cannot. But there are other ways to support children and it''s not always with money.

And there will always be those people who for some unknown reason think just because they have moved away from their child and got another family that their responsibility stops.

I have tried to write this seeing things from all sides, but am writing this as a PWC whose ex is a director of his own Ltd company, whose new wife is also a director of same ltd company, and who has now for nearly two years paid £0 for his son. I ring the CSA every week to see what is being done, but nothing happens, as they basically have their hands tied when it comes to those who do not have a salaried job (I mean one salaried by an employer)

People have said before "well at least you can hold your head up and know you are doing the right thing by your son..." but that unfortunately doesn''t put food on the table, buy clothes etc.

And of course all this is made 100 times worse when you know that ex is out spending like mad and going out and definitely does have money!!!