What does a CAO look like?

Hi!
I have a son, 10, home educated, divorced 5y.

Over the years contact arrangements have changed a bit, and I expect will do so significantly in the next few years. I'd like to know what contact would 'look like' if we went to court, so I have some idea of what is deemed reasonable.

When we split (during Covid), we agreed alternate weekends and one overnight a week in between. Four week-long holidays during school holidays.

Once lockdown was over and our son's activities started up again, it was necessary to change the weekday overnight. I offered about 6 alternatives and ex chose to change it to just evening without overnight, so that's what it's been for 3 years.

Sometimes he declines his weekday contact because he's away.

At his request holiday contact is now 2 week-long holidays during school holidays and 2 week-long holidays during 'term time'.

Does anyone know roughly what 'court ordered' contact might look like in our situation?

If we had a court order, what would happen to holiday contact? How would this be decided? What would happen in those instances when he can't make contact (eg weekday evenings) - am I obliged to provide alternatives, or does that contact just not happen?

I don't think we will get to court but we have had so much coming and going about contact that it would be really good if we just agreed an approach and stuck to it! (I've suggested we have set holiday weeks that are the same each year to avoid this back and forth but ex wants to keep flexibility). In other areas of parenting Ex has suggested we do things 'like Court would do', and if it means we have less back and forth then I'd be happy to do so!

Thank you

Hi, Courts will aim to see what can be agree consensually first. If not they will order you both if needed but they will aim for consensual agreement.

Alt weekends and 1 overnight weekly is common as is 50/50 split of school holidays, albeit you as a homeschooler may not have such a structure. this is to ensure significant time with both parents in a child life

Advance planning, structure to arrangements and routine is a good idea to start from

in my experience, courts don't want to micro manage every detail of the co-parenting arrangements so best to find something that works best for all

That's very helpful, thank you. As I thought, a CAO would probably have a similar contact arrangement as we already have (although maybe holiday contact would be within school holiday periods). The benefit would be that it would be set in stone for us both and avoid the constant changes and disagreements we've had (especially over holiday contact) over the years. We initially agreed to split Easter, split Christmas, and 2 one-week-long hols in summer. Every year the father has requested changes - doesn't like the dates I've suggested, wants term-time holiday instead, wants more term-time holiday etc (and it sometimes takes multiple emails and negative effects on my health to sort it out each year). I'm sure he will want something different every year and I'm just gonna have to accept the constant to-ing and fro-ing if I want to avoid a CAO.


In the case of a CAO, if the NRP can't make a particular contact date/day (say, a weekday overnight because he's on holiday), is the RP obliged to offer an alternative? Or does the NRP just miss out on that contact?

No, the child misses out as well as the NRP.

You wouldn’t be obliged to provide an alternative. Equally the NRP isn’t under a obligation to have the child or provide childcare if you have made plans for the contact times.

Courts only make CAO where they really have to these days and expect parents to sort it out between themselves the majority of the time.