21 years ago

big hugs. look after yourself.

Lymm, you won''t believe it now, but it will be OK.

I didn''t believe it. I didn''t believe it after a year, and I didn''t really believe it after two, tho some pennies had started to drop. I won''t say I am completely over it all now at coming up to three years but I can assure you that I am checking every day to see if my Decree Absolute has come through and hoping that it has.

I would never have left my x. I was disdainful of people who divorced and thought we were better than that. Well, I feel differently now. I am looking for a new home at 20% of the value of this one. I am staring in the face of having absolutely no income at all and having to find a way to pay the bills after 20 years out of the workforce and thinking myself unemployable. And - get this! - I am looking forward to it!

What my x does or thinks is of little consequence to me now. I realise I invested far too much in him and far too little in me over the years. Not his fault, but mine. And instead of hitting myself over this weakness or failing, I am coming to terms with the fact that I did what I could.

All of these things were said to me by others when I joined wiki and I thought they would never apply to me. Wrong again, thank goodness!

You will be fine and you will get over this and triumph over this setback. Give yourself time x

I agree with Eliza, time does help. I am nearly 18 months down the line and so much better than I was 3 months ago. I felt I didn''t really make much progress in the first year, it was all so overwhelming. But then, suddenly little things started to feel better. Its not all sorted, maybe it never will be the same but little by little the pain eases. Let yourself cry sometimes, we all need to.There''s lots of good advice on wiki as you know, so I find it really helpful sometimes to read a few threads and find something that appeals to me. One thing I read here and works for me is to do one thing for me every day "because I''m worth it" to quote a horrible advert. For me its usually a bath, or 30mins with a book. Maybe that wont work for you but hope you can find something equivalent.
Hope tomorrow is better x

Lymm, I so relate to these uncomfortable anniversaries where the old memories crowd in and overwhelm. We don''t have a public ceremony for the end of our relationships, I do think this would help. Perhaps you can contain the pain by allowing it it''s time on meaningful anniversaries but then letting it subside on a normal day.
One thought that always helps me fight on is the idea that he is so involved with the OW and his new life that I doubt very much that he will think about us. That spurs me on to fight for a new life and meaning. I do not want to carry all the grief for the end of our relationship but I am nearly 2.5 years on now from the end and it''s early days for you. I hope you will feel better a few days from now (Bank Holidays can be a bit tricky too) knowing that you have gone a little further on your new journey. One wiki wrote a great blog about passing through stations in this process (emerald butterfly I think) - this was inspired and you can find it under the blog section.

Thank you everyone I''ve nearly made it. Have sat hear thinking this time last year I was sitting in America at our lovely new house whilst he told me that his affair was the worst mistake of his life and he wanted to try and make it work. Little did I know he was already seeing the OW he is with now. What a fool was I.
But a year later I''m wiser, I''m trying to become my own person and after twenty years trying to remember who I actually am. I''m getting there.
A huge thank you to everyone on here who has been here for me, I feel so blessed to have you all.
X