So exhausted from it all!

I just wonder sometimes, will it end and how much more can I take. We split on 1st Nov 2014, still no closer and in the latest round I received a phone call today to say he froze the joint bank account.

I know this should not be a big deal but what next stop paying bills - torture me more. Its hard enough to put up with his anger towards me, or hear how he and his family are saying horrible things about me to my own children, who are too afraid to say anything and are really upset by it. Every day is a struggle, a 2 year old, a 10 year old with disabilities that results in complex challenges and behaviours and a 12 year old girl hitting puberty. Coping with all of this on my own is hard enough but the constant games, aggressive behaviour - even now makes me really wobble and no matter how I try to hide it my older daughter picks up on it and struggles too.

I want it not to affect me emotionally but it does I suppose the lack of sleep with 2 year old waking up every night or managing my other two constantly fighting or having emotional breakdowns. Just why cant he see that I have enough to cope with and at least try to co parent rather even more games.

Right now I am struggling how to keep going when every day is so hard. Anyone with good techniques to deal with high levels of stress and not letting your ex drag you down.

SW_Ellen wrote:

Anyone with good techniques to deal with high levels of stress and not letting your ex drag you down.

Ohh yes. I do as it happens. But these are mine. Feel free to own them but make them your own.

But stress kills you know that. Its really bad for you to be stressed all the time. But something you can do is this... Breath in. Hold your breath for as long as you can and let it out slow. Then do it again. And one more time. What you will find is you start to relax. If you can do this when you feel tense or at bedtime then it will help you. Really works.

But some basics. And I am just spelling them out. You already know this...

Coping mechanisms. Essentially a word that means do what you need to do to get by. Another word is going on to get along. Same thing. What ever you need to get along. As long as its healthy and doesn''t harm you and doesn''t involve cream or chocolate or junk. Or alcohol. No answers there I looked for ya.

Some coping mechs that I use.

Disconnect yourself from the things you cant change... What I mean by this is, look at what is happening. He froze the account. Nothing you can do about that. Its a pi$$er and its annoying. But only in the same way a fly buzzes round the room.

You need sleep. No way can you cope with no sleep. Sleep is like good 5 * fuel. Not enough of it and your going to feel bad.

Another coping mech has to do with what people think. We are programmed to want people like us. And when someone or a group turns on us it upsets us. But a fact of life is that not everyone is going to like you. Thats just the way it is and who cares? People are fickle sister. Some will like you one min and hate you the next. Fork um as they say.

The last one is dont worry about the things you think are going to happen. Often we worry for no good reason. I used to be like that. But I learned to stop worrying. It took a while but now? I dont care. What will be will be. Cheer up. Soon be xmas Marshy.

I''m not surprised you''re exhausted! Who wouldn''t be in your situation?

Divorce is never easy and there are all kinds of fall out to deal with. When there are children in the middle of it and you are the one coping with the day to day events at home, it’s very hard to remain calm and rational. Caring for three children between the ages of 2 and 12, one of whom might need more of your attention, is a huge responsibility, and credit to you for trying hard to hold it together.

Right now your world seems to be out of kilter but you will find support and guidance here on wiki.

We understand that this is a confusing time and your emotions are intense. Recognise that it’s natural to have those feelings and vent them on here to us.

You don’t need to understand them, just accept it from us that those feelings will lessen in time.

Do you have support from family and friends? Without their help you will continue to be exhausted and that’s not good for you or the children. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Anyone who hasn’t been through divorce doesn’t understand, but often will help if they know what you kind of help you need.

Don’t isolate yourself, see if there’s a divorce support group in your area where you can talk to other divorcees about your feelings and let it all out.

Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t keep up with the housework. As long as it’s hygienic, just concentrate on getting through each day. Allow yourself to function at less than your usual standards for a while. In time you’ll be back to your normal self again.

Take time each day to do something that calms you, relaxes you, and allows you to heal. Rest when you can, and get some fresh air each day. Try to find some time to have fun with the children so you’re not stressed Mummy all the time; a film night with the older two perhaps when the little one has gone to bed.

Write things down. Anything and everything that occurs to you get it in a notebook. I found just the act of writing it down immensely therapeutic.

Last but not least, try not to make any knee jerk reactions to his demands. Take time out, check things on here, ask questions in the Forum and wikis will support you with ideas from their experience.

Learn to love yourself.