Keep dreaming about the split

This topic was covered basically in another post
www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...5315-Flashbacks.html

The mind is complex and I don''t suppose we will ever know the answer.

The main point is that most of us never expected or wanted the split to happen when we first met. Now that it has we really don''t know why it took such a downward turn.

The mind tries to make sense of this and cannot. It runs through a mixture of ''what ifs'' linked to actual life experiences.
It mixes good with bad for various reasons. It mixes what you would like with the reality.

Life is a one way street and you cannot turn back the clock. The dreams that we have help us to make decisions about where we go from here.
Its like a person on a strict diet picking up a lovely cream cake. The consequences of eating it would satisfy the craving but on the flip side we would suffer the consequences. So its your choice where you go from here and you can dwell on the past or make a new life.

Unfortunately in the beginning we are making a choice that subconsciously we don''t really want to take and the mind is trying to make sense of the two options.

Over time the dreams diminish regarding your ''problem'' as new more pressing problems come along. It just takes time.

It allows us to regain conscientiousness (wake up) with solutions (or not) but it puts matters in perspective.

Hi, thanks so much your perspectives - it''s somehow very comforting to know that other people have these sorts of dreams!

Still Me, your post made me laugh which cheered me up
Littlegreen, sending you a big hug - it is very unsettling to have these dreams! Garry, I like what you said about not wanting to let go of the person you loved...
Vastra, you are so right about these bonds being very hard to break. It''s like our subconscious can''t let go. Whenever I am "at home" in any dream, it is always at my childhood home even though I haven''t lived there for 25 years and my parents haven''t lived there for 20!!
Polar, as you say the mind is complex and I guess it is processing our emotions as we sleep. I know I haven''t completely let go of my ex yet or come to terms with the end of my marriage, despite moving forward and working through it all as best I can.
All of your replies have helped me in different ways to understand that I can''t rush it or put a time limit on my healing. It will take as long as it takes!
Here''s to a dreamless night''s sleep for all of us xxx

I wake most nights with the same dream, different scenarios but the same ending, the ex has her back to me and is walking away.
I wake sad and cannot sleep afterwards.
I have been split for just 5 months so a little fresh still I guess.
I love her still at the same time as hating her with a passion ????

Yougotmail, that must be hard having the dream so often
Yes, we can''t stop loving our exes just because we want to I suppose - If I am honest I probably do still love him although like you, I wouldn''t want him back. I don''t hate him but I still feel angry sometimes about the way he went about things. And when the split has been sudden it''s such a shock! One minute they are there every night and next they are gone, just like that. No wonder really that we dream about them. I hope your dreams start easing off soon xx

Apparently I can hold conversations in my sleep with people pausing to let them answer questions. Add to that a form of sleepwalking ie sitting up in bed or rotating like a cat does before it settles down. Thats evident in the morning when my duvet is upside down or the bed looks as if its been attacked !!!

People laugh as I seem to live 2 lives. One when awake and one when asleep.

Apart from the first year my x never features in dreams. It does however feature friends and relatives including those who have passed away.

I gave this a little thought last night before sleep and in fact realised that I don''t really hate her, I just don''t recognise her and It is her rejection and the situation that I hate.
I went from being the happiest most contented man on this planet, with a great lifestyle to having nothing in the matter of 24 hours.
The shock of it caused me to not remember anything from the first 4 weeks after the split, apart from the hitting bottom bit, where you just fall to the floor in the foetal position and sob whilst chanting over and over ''how can this be happening to me" ?
I am now well beyond that stage but the dreams are still very lifelike and vivid and I guess the break being so sudden gave me no time to prepare mentally or financially.
I would never ever be tempted to take her back, even if she begged me to as there is no trust left and I know I would throw this in her face at every opportunity.
I will take my half of our money, half the house and the pension and go get myself a new life, with new friends in a new area, this is the dream that I want to dream but am yet not able to.
Time will settle this one like it does for everyone else who has been and is going through this hell on Earth situation.
I don''t want pity or kind words of how to achieve inner peace by loving myself first, I just want a life and the means to get that life and do for myself.
Sorry, I''m starting to waffle so I will end here.
Love to everyone.

yougotmail wrote:

I gave this a little thought last night before sleep and in fact realised that I don''t really hate her, I just don''t recognise her and It is her rejection and the situation that I hate.....
I would never ever be tempted to take her back, even if she begged me to as there is no trust left and I know I would throw this in her face at every opportunity.
I will take my half of our money, half the house and the pension and go get myself a new life, with new friends in a new area, this is the dream that I want to dream but am yet not able to.
Time will settle this one like it does for everyone else who has been and is going through this hell on Earth situation.
I don''t want pity or kind words of how to achieve inner peace by loving myself first, I just want a life and the means to get that life and do for myself.
Sorry, I''m starting to waffle so I will end here.
Love to everyone.

I so identify with this yougotmail, even though my stbx left 18 months ago and I am very happy with a new partner the rejection still occasionally hurts. I sometimes dream of my stbx and it''s sad because he is no longer the person I loved and like you I wouldn''t want him back so I''m just dreaming of something that once was it has nothing to do with my happy life now. Time helps and getting the legal stuff sorted helped more, you too will have that happy life I''m sure.