Countdown

Thanks everyone

The guitar is a saviour....there is no doubt about that.

The last few days have been up and down. Sometimes I feel OK and the next second a fleeting thought comes and I get a stab of anxiety and sadness. It is horrible.

I do think I have come a long way in terms of accepting where I am at the moment - we are legally seperated and all the finances and practicalities agreed. It is just hellish feeling that she started to have strong feelings for someone else. I know that she has fallen in love with him.

The difficulty is how to begin to accept that fact. Maybe it is something that comes in time. At the moment though it seems impossible that I will ever be able to think about it and not feel this level of sadness.

Lovely sunny day though

M.

We get it, we really do. What you''re experiencing now is the roller coaster of emotions and just when you think you''re on a high, down you go again in that awful panicky spiral and it''s difficult to get the balance right.

When you have loved someone very deeply how can you just forget? Sadly there is no magic switch to turn off all emotions, but you''re right the pain does become less - in time. I know you want it to be better right now, but if you could dismiss it that easily it would mean the relationship hadn''t really meant that much to you.

Divorced people are wounded people and you have to treat yourself with compassion and little bit of tough love. Get rid of the negative thoughts going round in your head. Life will go on and you will have a good life ahead of you. Believe what us older wikis are telling you, it will get better.

Believe in yourself too because you are still the same caring, smart, loving person inside, you''ve just taken a few body blows and need to recover.

I think you have a really tough system in the UK; here there is no advantage to living under the same roof while you divorce. It''s very hard to start healing in this situation, worse still when they are flaunting their new relationship. The desire to find out the truth is intense but you won''t get anything constructive or honest from a cheating spouse, and you kind of work it out with time by yourself, or with the help of a counsellor. In a moment of brutal honesty my ex told me why he left me and it boiled down to wanting a different sexual partner (he put it a lot more crudely than that). All the other excuses are built up to convince themselves that the old parter is intolerable and they have no choice but to be with the new younger partner who makes them feel great.... for the next few years perhaps.
Hang in there Moona, what you''re going through would drive most of us batty. Vent here but don''t discuss anything personal with your wife, you won''t get any satisfaction or truth.