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This is getting even worse.

My wife is leaving soon and does not want to speak to me at all about our marriage. We are seperated and moving on that is a fact.

I know this but why then do I have the urge to speak to her about it all the time. It is doing me no good at all.

She has just stormed out the house and I feel like I am losing control.



M,.

Moona, myself and hundreds others were the same as yourself.We knew that the marriage was over but the one thing we all wanted but were denied was answers...
Unfortunately for us,if our Ex''s had given us those answers,they would have to acknowledge to themselves their bad behaviour and their failings.I imagine having to admit that your a liar,cheat and that you ripped a family apart would not rest easy on anyone''s shoulders,so best form of defence is to shrug off any questions, then they don''t face it.....

I bet you my bottom dollar,you will never hear what you are entitled to hear,so unfortunately we just have to suck it up,and move forwards concentrating on ourselves and our new life...

Sorry Moona your feeling like this,but just another phase of this godawful thing called divorce.

Cwtchs
Afon Xx

Afon

Thanks so much for replying.

I feel ridiculous for being unable to stop asking her to talk and speak about it.

We are finished, legally separated, new house bought etc.

For me though it seems unfeasible for us to end these next few weeks without facing up to the fact that it is ending.

I probably just need to not speak to her at all but I seem unable to do it.

This is harder than anything else I have ever experienced. At times I question my sanity and yet I know I am OK and will be OK.

I post on here not even knowing what the f**k I am writing and feel foolish for doing so.

I am a mess.

Remember you will be speaking to her regularly still - you have your kids to raise together and she wont be so far away.

Perhaps you can have this conversation on neutral territory once she has moved out and you have had a chance to heal.

Hi Moona

I think afonleas has wise words here - giving you the answers means accepting some of the responsibility. In divorce it''s almost certain that both parties have some degree of responsibility for the breakdown, but there are some people in this world who always have to be right and can''t bear to accept responsibility for their share in a problem.

Believe me - I''m in the throes of a divorce with one In my case we''ve lived apart for over 5 years but now the dreadful legal machine is in gear as she''s kicked off proceedings. For those 5 years she has not once accepted responsibility for a single factor in the breakup, and the word ''sorry'' is not in her vocabulary.

So I think some people are just like that. I know it''s very hard (I really really do - I''ve experienced serious depressive illness because of it) but you must look after yourself - don''t dally about getting help from your GP for example. Put yourself and your health first and try being a bit selfish.

Things were so much easier once my ex moved out, while he was still in the home it was so hard not to try to talk to him because he still looked like my husband but he wasn''t that man any longer and once he moved out and I had no contact I started to accept that my husband no longer existed and the new person he had become was someone I had no need of speaking to (our children are adults and the divorce was arranged by email).
Keep posting and reading here, it doesn''t have to make sense we''ve all been there, you will come through this.

hello Moona

Maybe once you go no contact then you will start to rebuild my friend .

I have noticed that the advice given by many was no contact . And , boy did I do that .

You kinda get chance to sit alone and hear that quiet voice inside you that comforts and directs you on your correct path .

It is an unpleasant path that we travel , what with all the emotions ,and unanswered questions that you have spinning in your head . AFon is right you could wait for ever for the answers you seek . Moona , you are going to be ok . I made mistakes in my marriage , I guess I was also party to the break up . So, I am out of the blame game now .

I am not sure I have mentioned it my friend . But , there is a such a thing has the Drama Triangle about victim , rescuer and persecutor . Once I learned not to go in that I saw life in a different manner .

Yes, at the moment you are emotionally going to be all over the place whilst you come to terms with it all .

Your not alone,

And by the way , How is the guitar coming on . I spent a good few hours sat in the sun amongst nature playing guitar yesterday . Boy , sure did sooth my soul .

Massive man hug for you Moona

D