Starting the divorce process

My wife and I have been separated for over a month now, and I want to start the divorce process on the grounds of adultery. We have a rough agreement on how to separate the finances and house, although there are still have quite a lot of possessions in the house with disputable ownership.

Do we need to have formalised the financial agreement prior to starting the divorce? Can I get a Consent Order to make any financial agreement legally binding before starting the divorce, and what form should our financial agreement take for it to be valid?

The consent order can only be made binding after the Decree Nisi, so the short answer is no. Getting clarity about the items and issues currently up for dispute, and getting a solicitor to start drafting a consent order can happen from now though. There is a link on this site to a service consent orders, so you might want to have a look at that.

From what you've said, I assume your wife is willing to admit to adultery as the grounds for divorce.

Good luck with coming to a quick and amicable agreement.

So basically to set the financial agreement in stone I have to start the divorce anyway?
I'm not sure how my wife will take having to admit to adultery, although I think I have plenty of evidence to support it. I'm slightly concerned that if I start proceeding without having something legally binding in regards to the house etc... that she will start to make things difficult for me. She wants to wait for us to have been separate for two years and only divorce then, but in the mean time the money I have invested in the house is only benefiting her and the guy she is seeing.
I just want things sorted so I don't have it hanging over me any more.

I would advise you make an appointment with a solicitor to discuss your options. I am certainly glad I took legal advice early on and feel this has subsequently benefitted me in ways I would not have been aware of had I not sought advice early on.

Also, from my experience others can and will advise, which is helpful, but can be confusing and there always seem to be differences between cases.

Hi Kekkon and welcome

Kekkon wrote:

I'm not sure how my wife will take having to admit to adultery, although I think I have plenty of evidence to support it.

To petition on the grounds of adultery your 'evidence' has to be proof. It's very difficult to prove adultery since the proof required is of the sexual act itself, literally. Very few have this level of evidence. Obviously, if your wife agrees to the grounds then that's a different matter but this sounds unlikely from what you say...

She wants to wait for us to have been separate for two years and only divorce then...

You also say:

... but in the mean time the money I have invested in the house is only benefiting her and the guy she is seeing.

How so? Have you moved out of the MH?

Generally, the finances are resolved between the Decrees Nisi and Absolute but if you feel that the petition itself is going to create disagreement then the implication is that she's not yet ready to agree on anything.

Have a look at the following thread and, if you post your answers in this thread, someone will be able to tell you what you looking at in terms of financial outcome:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

In terms of whether or not to petition, you may just have to take a deep breath and go for it. You can't resolve any part of divorce until it firsts exists and that's where the petition will take you to.

Good luck

Shezi

If she won't admit to adultery, your other options for a faster divorce is unreasonable behaviour. You can write some fairly 'soft' stuff in these, and get a divorce. It would still be helpful if your wife knows what these are and agrees when trying to keep things amicable.

The problem with waiting for 2 years while your wife has started a relationship with someone else is (as you have pointed out) that the finances start getting mixed up with someone else's business as well. Given that you don't have kids, you might find you'd rather finish things up so you can stop being in contact - I know it was a big relief when my ex and I didn't have to have further contact.

Hard as it may be - you might have to make choices which she doesn't care for, but which she ultimately has to accept. I found that my other half was often angry at first, but as I stayed calm and explained why I felt I had to do things a certain way to look after my future and my emotional wellbeing, he accepted these things as reasonable (albeit somewhat begrudgingly).

If you wanted to wait until the 2 years is up to start divorce proceedings, you may be able to at least make all your finances far more separate so when it comes time to getting the cast-iron court stuff done, it's clear who has done what since you separated. But as far as I understand it, nothing can be iron-clad until the divorce has proceeded to Decree Nisi, and there may still be the possibility of her claiming on your assets post-separation.

Get some legal advice pronto. Good luck!

We have an informal agreement on how to separate the finances, which is slightly harsh on me, but I can accept it. The problem is that the house and mortgage (which I moved out of at the end of march) is registered in her name only (it was convenient at the time to have it that way). We've taken into account our wage differences and any money we brought in from before the marriage, and as it stands we're both accepting of the outcome.
We haven't formalised anything or taken the agreement to a solicitor, but if I wait 2 years before doing anything then all that happens is she has really cheap mortgage repayments for that time.
There isn't really enough money involved to make it worthwhile me paying to pursue the matter further in court, but since she holds all the cards I don't want to start the divorce and have her renege on our agreement. Currently she could easily remortgage to cover my share of the house and the repayments would not significantly impact her (her salary is not small).

I just want to legalise what we already agree on. She is always trying to guilt trip me, and even claimed that she would be driven to prostitution if I took my share. But the mortgage repayments are only £300, whereas my rent is $400. Even after taking away my share at most the repayments would be $400, and while I've just started a postgraduate course and only earn £1000 a month, she earns $1900 and has a large yearly bonus. I can't afford to pay too much for solicitors fees - I just want to cover myself so that I can finally end it and draw a line under the whole thing with the divorce.