Cannot Reasonably Be Expected to Live With Him...

That concept has me a little bit confused! I'm about to start a DIY action against my husband using everyone's favourite grounds - unreasonable behaviour.

My husband of 2 1/2 years (we lived together 2 years before that, knew each other a year before that, no children) has been having an affair for at least 5 months. It's been 2 1/2 months since I started to suspect and 6 weeks since confirmation.

I don't think there's going to be a problem with the grounds. He won't admit to adultery, but he's not interested in saving the marriage so won't contest the relationship, the lies, the plan to walk out on me and go live with her...but, since I discovered it, we've both found different places to live and are moving out of our rental house in about a week.

I assume there won't be a problem with us separating, or am I going to have to swear something in the Petition that I moved out first because I couldn't be expected to live with him any longer? (Last week he told me he was spending the weekend with her and her family, he didn't want me to worry about him! He has no clue!)

Any thoughts anyone...neither of us had any other place to go (his girlfriend lives with her mother!), and I've tried to find a new place and get out of her as fast as I could. :/ Any advice appreciated!

In England & Wales there is only one ground for divorce, the irretrievable breakdown of marriage established by one of five facts - adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, 2 years separation with the consent of the other party or 5 years separation without consent.

If you cite unreasonable behaviour you will need to give no more than 5 or 6 reasons in short numbered paragraphs why it is no longer tolerable to live with your husband. You should give dates, particulars of the unreasonable behaviour and the effect it has on you.

eg 1) On (pick a date) it became known to the Petitioner that the Respondent was conducting an inappropriate relationship with another woman. The Respondent and the woman have since spent a very considerable time together. This leaves the Petitioner feeling lonely and unloved.



Once the Petition has been served, and the acknowledgment of service has been returned to court you will swear a statement;

• that the respondent and any co-respondent has received the divorce petition;

• that the respondent and any co-respondent have admitted to committing adultery if this was the grounds for divorce;

• that the respondent consents to a divorce if the grounds for divorce were that you have been separated for and living apart for two years;

• that the respondent has agreed with the arrangements for the children.

All of that makes sense except for the fact that we won't be living together any more at the time I file the Petition. There's no way I can do it before, I'm only just getting my head together on all of this while trying to pack for a move at the same time.

Should that then be PART of the petition? That he refuses to live with me, has moved in with her? Has left me choice choice but to find cheaper lodging? I know I don't want to make it anything he might fight about, but the only thing he'll fight about is if I thinks I'm being 'untruthful'. OK for him to be a liar! lol And I'm more than just lonely or unloved, I'm abandoned, basically.

Or do I stop before I get to that point and make my additional paragraphs to include the fact that he refused to discuss marriage counseling, refused to move out, refused to break off with her, and wanted me to know he was spending a weekend with her and her family so I wouldn't worry that he was gone all weekend!! (And dates for each) That in itself would make five paragraphs to go with the discovery of the relationship...

Need to do more research...thanks!

You can put down as much or as little as you want regarding reasons why you and your ex are no longer in a committed relationship with each other.

The only word of warning i'd add is that whilst unburdening yourself on paper may be healing for yourself it may also be antagonistic and do you also really want pitched battles and arguements of who did what to whom and why when the courts are not interested in apportioning blame.

T

Another word of warning, although you can cite an inappropriate relationship you need to be careful that you don't allege adultery in an Petition for UB. If you do it will be rejected. You can just say from a certain date the Respondent is no longer resident in the former matrimonial home, choosing instead to live in a new home, apart from the Petitioner.

Thanks for the warnings, both of you. Whilst I'm not afraid to unburden myself a bit here, when it comes to working on the Petition, I'll be the soul of diplomacy. The things I've learned here so far have really helped to clear my thinking. Glad I found this place!