Any advantage? Suggestions/Advice needed please

My wife of 34 years wants a divorce. We have 3 (adult) independant sons.

My wife reckons she will petition me (unreasonable behaviour) but is dithering. The agony is getting to me and as she is now behaving as if a single woman whilst sometimes returning to our matrimonial home, I am convinced I have better grounds than she to petition.

We should be able to be adult and agree most finances but is there any advantage in who petitions who given these circumstances?:

Her mother (a sprightly 78) has always promised us a sizeable inheritance to compensate for my next to worthless private pension plan.

My wife has a safe NHS pension plan

Any advice most welcome at this awful time.

Thanks

Hi arty and welcome to wiki:

You'd need to answer the following to shed some light on fairness; although future inheritences are not normally considered; (unless to benefit your wifes Pension?) At 78 her mother is not that old, she could need a Nursing Home and many elderly people have to sell their assets during later life to fund this. I doubt your mother-in-laws finances will have any bearing on a settlement. Neither will behaviour.

If you want to Petition - go ahead, I think it gives you the Upper Hand, and allows you to work to your schedule. Blame does not affect the finances, and if you're hoping to resolve the financial issues away from protracted expernsive court proceedings, it won't even be discussed!

More info needed:

Your respective ages;

The number of children you have and their ages;

How many nights the children spend with each parent;

The length of your marriage and any period of pre marriage cohabitation;

Your respective incomes;

Your respective outgoings;

Your assets - both soley held and joint;

Your liabilities.

Thank you that clears up the immediate concern but raises another. Can I petition in such a way that the financial settlement can be drafted between us as then drawn up formally for recognition as a "Clean Break" (called a Consent Order I believe) by the Court after Decree Nisi?

The two applications: Divorce and then Ancillary Relif (for the financials) are dealt with as two seperate issues.

You can do the two together I assume. To be valid, you'd both need to sign the agreed Consent Order which goes before a judge for approval. (Hopefully before Decree Absolute is granted)

It will be up to your ex what she accepts, if you ask for a Clean Break (usually when there are no further claims, so not sure if you are expecting to pay any Spousal support?) again it will be up to your ex to accept, or not.

Anything you can agree away from expensive litigation will mean more for both of you to divide from your pot. However, it's once the finances start that the whole thing gets messy, and all of the amicable agreements mean nothing!