divorce and pensions

after almost 37 years my husband walked out just over one year ago because of a woman who dropped him within one week , he came off the deeds to the house and walked away with ten grand (signed for by himself) thankgod for my family my daughter my self and son in law re morgaged together so all 3 are on the deeds. he left with 25 grand outstanding on the house which we sorted so only borrowed 65,000 to sort out house repairs and stuff but his 10 grand came out of that as well which he was happy with . he has now moved in with a new woman who we do not trust left her husband daughters and grandchildren she has no money which i found out and i went to see a solicitor due to the fact i found out that he still has rights to the matromonial home and if i died tomorrow then he can claim my share of the home which we thought was agreed that he would not do that but now know he can and thats where i do not put trust in my husband or her., he said he would never ask for a share of the house the solicitor said i should have given him at least 40 grand but he was happy with ten why should he walk away with half when we had so many reapirs to do and i mean repairs. and also because of that reason not getting half if i divorce i would not get half his pension i seem to lose out and have to foot the bill for a divorce even though he commited adultery a year ago. i only have a part time job and cannot go back full time due to health reasons and just above the legal aid so on my just over 700 a month take home i am the one who seems to have to pay up and lose out on his pension which the other woman will certaily live on when he retires she now has my security that was ours when married and should be mine on retirement. if anything happens to me i want my daughter and son in law and grandson are protected but mostly i need to see if i am entitled to that pension. he refuese to speak to me i have asked to talk about it all but not one reply do i get which i find weird that after all those years how can a person just delete another.
bit confusing but any advice well appreciated

Are you divorced? Was there an order?

If the answer to both is 'no' then it would be open to you to now start divorce proceedings and, if he still will nto talk to you, to apply for a financial settlement.

You should also make an up to date will to make it clear who you would want your share of the house etc to go to. (if you are not yet divorced, your husband is still your next-of-kin and any will you made when you were together will still be valid)

I can't comment specifically about what you and he might each me entitled to, but the arrangement by which he walked away with £10,000 was made without you having had full disclosure of all of the assets (including his pension) and was not formally recored in an order or deed of separation it will not be binding.

If you do decide now to finally sort out the finances then that agreement will be relevant. The court could also take into account contributions made (The repairs / improvements done to the house, for example) and the length of your marraige.

It may be that the arrangmetns you had - he gets £10,000 and his pension, you get the balance, was fair, it may be that you would be entitledto a share of the pension or he to a furtehr sum from the hoseu, but that would depend on the relative values of each of the assets.

It would appear sensible however to look into finalising your divorce and getting an order agreed asap so that you know where you stand.

no we are not divorced although he wants one and there was never a mention on his pension and to be honest it was only a few months later i found out that i could be entiltled to half the pension. i have been left to start over again at 56 he is 61 and so looking to make sure i will be finacially ok, after all 37 years is a long time and to have to start all over again is hard. i gave a lot of years and feel i should be entitled to something back he said i had everything which is rubbish. we had to make repairs like new roof and that fact i had to have half the front room dug up which he knew about way before he left was bad timing so thats where part of the new finacial monies went. i feel he walked away easy in this marriage and to set up home with this woman is in itself hard to accept only because i always thought we would be back together and according to my solicitor i should have given him at least 40 grand if i had done that i would be on the street we all live here in the same house. so thanks to my daughter and son in law along with my grandson we sorted out that financial side of it and he took the ten grand. so there is a 1/3rd share each between us on this house. i just wish he would talk but is now taking me down the road of '' ok you will not talk it through so therefore i am going to fight to get what i think i am entilted to'' thanks for your reply by the way .

sorry i mean myself my daughter son in law and grandson live in the same house the house my husband left. can i also ask when he can go for the divorce to happen some say 2 years some say 5 . if i had my way i would make him wait as long as i could but because of this next of kin and he can claim my 1/3rd share i have to do something to protect my family.

Either you or your husband could start divorce proceedings immediately on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

You can divorce after 2 years with consent, or after 5 years without consent.

Making him wait just leaves you in limbo. This isn't about hurting him or revenge, its about getting the best possible outcome for you.

Focus on that.

I know you are hurt by him, lots of us have been there, believe me. But all the time you are affected by his hurting you, he has power over you. Forget the past, concentrate on your future and what you can do to make it good.

Best wishes

Nell.